"But I have to warn you: my outings have taken a turn towards the immature. I tend to prefer more drinking, more social scenes, more music, more bodies, etc. No more quiet sushi dinners for me - it's now off to mixers at wine bars, mud wrestling, that sort of stuff. "
Nomo,
Trust me when you read this. I am not judging you at all so try not to get defensive...
This second-adolescence stuff is VERY standard. BTDT. Fun time, some excellent memories, some regrets -- pretty much like any time of major transition in one's life. Anyway, you'll see DBers going through this over and over and over again. Perhaps now you'll start to get an inkling of the WAS mindframe. They got to the same place, just sooner, and via a different path. But, the place is pretty similar -- a second-adolescence filled with excess, trying new things, reinventing one's self, some lapses in responsibility, and so on... So, rest assured that what you are experiencing is VERY normal, a healthy stage of growing and becoming a new improved Nomo. But, also, rest assured, it will pass. You will turn into an adult again. Probably a much freer, less judgmental, more compassionate adult who appreciates joy and fun much more than the old Nomo. But, yes, adulthood will descend upon you again.
When it does, you'll have serious regrets about your physical/emotional involvement with women right now. You are using your new R as a drug just as much as any WAS does. This is not a general claim about new Rs. I have no problem with people dating after they have chosen to D (which it seems to me you have not committed to a D yet.) This is not a general claim about waiting to be the perfectly happy independent individual before you begin dating that many make. Yes, that is ideal. But, I'd say the vast majority of successful relationships in the world begin between imperfect individuals with issues. Different Rs help us through different times. Rebound Rs can evolve into solid Rs. Even Rs that begin as As can turn into solid Rs. As can Rs that recover from betrayal.
But you are at a place where no matter what happens with your current love interest long term, at some point you will both recognize that you are using her right now, using her as a drug. The R lacks authenticity. It is a means to your current strength. You are all over the place in your posts. You sound like are in a full all-out run into fantasy land to avoid reality via your romantic exploits.
For your own sake and your date(s)'s sake, back off dating for awhile, including both emotional/sexual romantic entanglements. Really, treat you and her(s) with a bit more respect.
Right now, you are polluting your sitch with very confusing stuff while you are still confused yourself. Just give yourself a bit more time to get a bit of stability and clarity.
So, again, I am not cautioning you about rebound Rs. Rebound Rs are a very normal thing and MOST Rs people have fail (thus the need for dating). I am not chastising you for dating while M. I am not telling you to quit having a second wild and crazy second-adolescence during which you reinvent yourself. Rather, my concern is that you really just are not ready for this and your current dating behavior reeks of self-destructiveness and treating others poorly. It isn't good for you now. It is going to be sad for you in the future.
Recognize your fragility. Recognize your self-medicating dating behavior. Find a healthier way to self-medicate.
And, because I don't have the patience to edit to make the above filled with the usual disclaimers, I'll add a general disclaimer here. No, I don't know you. I don't know your sitch. I don't know your love interest. I don't know the future. I could be totally wrong about all this. What I do know is what my very strong impression is based on this thread, my own history, and my knowledge of very many many stiches of DBers who have gone through the dating thing and what happened in those sitches. I've watched a lot of them and I'm generally pretty darn good at understanding the pros and cons of dating in a particular sitch. And, I don't think I have EVER made a strong recommendation that someone stop dating. So, FWIW, I don't do that here lightly.
