Remembering myself, Part II

[Dom R]

First off, my apologies to karen: I misremembered you as saying that you had "never" had oral sex from your husband. However, scrolling back through your posts, I do not see such a thing. So, my mistake. sorry about that.

H is a hard nut to crack.

that he is.

Dom, I appreciate your optimism, but would you allow that it's POSSIBLE that karen's H does not WANT sex with a woman?

What you are really trying to do, is get me to say that I think it is possible that her husband is homosexual. Anything is possible. it's possible that I may be hit by a meteor as i sit here typing this. But it's not likely.

IOW the default condition is that a heterosexual man will want sex with a woman.

However, when a heterosexual man stops wanting sex with a woman.. that does not stop him from behing heterosexual. It may mean that he has devolved into being asexual.

Unless karen has noticed him checking out other guys' butts, or found a stash of gay porn somewhere.. there is no evidence to indicate that he is gay.

Or do you cry "lez! lez!" every time a husband bemoans the fact that his wife just doesnt want sex with him any more?


PS: my comment about commitment to marriage, was directed more at cac, not karen, since cac was the one who made the comments i quoted.
although "directed at" is somewhat overly pointed. It was more a general comment, about a general "you". I was pointing out that if 'you' base your commitment in a relationship, around how much they 'genuinely and sincerely want you', then it is guaranteed that your commitment to the relationship will fail at some point, since pretty much ALL long-term relationships go through a lull in that sort of thing.

The ones that last, are the ones where the two people say, "i'm committed to you, and so I want to work on bringing back those feelings between us".


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back to Karen, and the "tough nut"...

[side note: you've never commented on my various "if you were a man" comparisons.. how about them? ]

I think my old opinion is still basically true.
Karen, you basically seem to have have choices of "give up on sex", "try to fix husband", or "make the most of what he offers you" with additional flavorings of "confront him about offering you MORE".

"give up on sex", is an almost guaranteed way to ensure that you will eventually succumb to an affair down the line, of one form or another.
Almost everyone in a similar situation, always says, "I NEVER thought i would ever do such a thing". But the built-up over years, eventually will probably get to you. you're only human.

"try to fix your husband" is a loosing battle. You cant "make" someone resolve an internal problem, if they dont want it fixed.
You can ask you can make things more comfortable for him. You can possibly suggest, "if you are having problems, this counsellor/book might be a help to you"... but if they arent interested... no go. Sounds like you've already tried this, with the SSM book, and he wasnt interested.
You can lead a blockhead to knowlege, but you cant make him think. (ya know, horse to water, etc...)

So, by process of elimination, the only thing left is: make the most of what you are offered, and also try to improve the quality of what you are offered.

A possibility:
You MIGHT start out, by addressing the quality of sex, rather then the quantity, first of all.

The guy apparently truely cares for you, on an emotional level.
This is an incredible asset!!! you are a really lucky woman in this reguard.

I'm going to make a separate post with an idea I have, 'cause I dont want it to get lost in this already long one