It's obvious that you've got some really tough issues to deal with right now. I think its pretty likely that your husbands "love and bond button" and "f@ck button" may not be pushed by the same thing, it's pretty common. For some it's marry the nice guy / screw the jerk. Others marry straight / screw the same. There is the classic marry Madonna / screw whore or whatever / whatever.
I think you have to lay your cards on the table with your husband, you don't want the relationship to be like this and you need professional help and a commitment on his part to work on the sexual aspect of your relationship.
