what you are implying, seems to be that I'm saying "take what he gives you, and shut up".
no, I'm not "implying" anything. I'm saying it outright. that is what I thought you were saying.
What I am saying is, start by recognizing and acknowleging what your partner is giving you, and be grateful for it.
he's not giving her anything. Its hard to be "grateful" for that.
I can see how what you're saying might apply to a couple with a relatively minor disagreement on frequency...say, "3x/week vs. 5x/week", or something like that. but this ain't that. its "some" vs. "none". big difference. And even when it has been slightly more than "none"...damn hard to be appreciative of something that should {yes, *should*} be a gift, when you have to pry it out of the giver. As someone else said to me earlier in this conversation, its just not normal for someone, man or woman, to not show any desire for sex with their spouse for a whole year.
Whats the difference between "mercy sex", and "I'm not comfortable doing something, but I know you need it, so I choose to meet your needs?" none whatsoever, if that "thing" is sex, or physical affection in any form. If that is the standard upon which you base your commitment to marriage... then it ensures that you will cycle through a serious of marriage partners. I'm not sure I understand exactly what you mean by that. I'm still on the first in the "series", and its lasted a lot longer than most. One of the core required components of a lasting marriage, is how we handle things, when we dont get what we want from our spouse. or, said another way, how much crap we're willing to tolerate from one another. and that has nothing to do with "quality" of life. who wants to be married for 40 years or more...and be miserable the whole #%$$% time?
oh, and nobody said anything about "sulking in the corner". not accepting crap is just that: not accepting crap.
