Hi Sandi, I hope you felt better after getting that out. It's hard to handle all the bad memories that have been built up through the years. I know when a trigger comes up, it's going to take me to a bad place. I think it's the mind's way of protecting itself as we make attempts to move forward, and my mind is a steel trap that way.
For every awful recollection I can come up with, there is a matching one within my H somewhere. It's not as readily accessible to him, but it's there. And over time, he and I have developed different versions of the same event; for instance, he will say that he confronted the sex issue with me, and I do not recall this at all. Some things just won't get resolved.
The way I got through the past is by attempting to make the present better. The memories still come in my mind, but they don't have as much bite. And yeah, every now and then I need a good vent too.
One other thing...I know you are working on forgiving your H...the other part to this is learning to forgive yourself for allowing what happened in the past to happen. There is anger towards your spouse, but there's anger towards the self as well. The good news is that you have the knowledge now to create a happier future...and that is exciting.
