muddled and angry: Puddle's third thread

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Wishing you a wonderful trip, let us know all about it!


And I think the big picture is that you really need to let go, stop concentrating on blaming H or hoping he will see the light, and really start focusing on you, and you and your R with God (if your a believer).

I know you say that you would choose the "do the right thing" path, and why can't H... but perhaps that's what he's been doing for weeks, or months, or years? I do not believe that he M you just because he thought it was the "right" thing to do, but at some point he continued the M because it was. Now he is in a position where doing the "right" thing has caused him turmoil. (not that YOU caused it, he caused it too) That's what he needs to realize.

That you both choose your happiness and that it doesn't come from the other person. You cannot rely on the other person to make you happy.

I'm also curious, if you can, how is your mood while your in his presence? What are you doing when he's around or is able to "see" you? I ask because you want him to SEE that you are happy, SEE that he is going to be leaving a great W, SEE that his actions do not dictate your feelings, and SEE that you really HAVE changed.

I remember during my H's transition, one evening after him coming home from work, my s3 and I were dancing to music playing kinda loudly in the living room and we yelled out, HI DADDY! to him. A year prior, you would have found me cleaning or yelling at the kids and being bitter about it. I probably would have waiting for him to say Hi to me. Usually his mood would be grumpy, so by me not saying Hi and being in a poor mood myself, I just made things worse. Could it be possible that he would have loved for me to come over to him and greet him warmly? So many little things like that made me think, wow. I probably caused half the problem for his grumpiness and irritability, which in turn made me bitter and angry. How sad, the webs we weave entangle us so.

I'm not sure if I've said this to you or not, I think I have, but you really have to look at yourself and say, am I a person I want to love and be with? If you can't honestly say that, how can H? So even though the whole GALing thing might be a fake thing to begin with, as we really delve into it, it does really become us, and it really makes us start appreciating ourselves more and respecting ourselves. This is when the WAS starts getting confused. Of course there are some that they just can't get over their own hurdles. But we can't make them climb out of their own holes. But we do know that we WILL be better and be better people after it is all said and done, as someone just previously mentioned.