I'm still doing it

[nephartiti]

Well, H's paycheck went through direct deposit. Thank goodness. I can breathe again. Had a brief convo last night. S2 wanted to call and say good night. We called. No answer. It was weird, v-mail never picked up. We were in the middle of sending a voice note/TM when he called back. Talked for 12 minutes, mostly to S2. He mentioned that one of the pics I sent almost made him cry. He said he looks at all his pics and videos before bed because he misses them. I told him I'd send more. Ended the call with a "Good night".

Today is another day.

[SallyM]

phew, neph. that is good. I was worried about that, too, with H. he is appalled when/if he ever finds out I am concerned about stuff like that...seriously can't believe I would think he'd be such a jerk. but honestly, I feel like I don't even know him anymore, I don't know what lines he is willing to cross.

glad S2 got to talk to him. my h cries over stuff from the kids, too...pictures of them, or pictures they draw for him. its got to be hard, I suppose, just adds to the pile of guilt they feel occasionally.

have a good one!

[nephartiti]

OK, here we go.

H calls house. I don't answer.
H calls cell. I don't answer
H calls house. I don't answer.
H calls cell. I don't answer.

H does not leave message. All calls within 10 minutes. I decide I better call back before he shows up. I call and he says he's here.

I take S2 into the bathroom (I was about to give him a bath) and throw some makeup on.

H brought a new computer! Yowsers! He says he wants to take this one to his brother's. OMG! I am happy but what is he thinking. Does he think money grows on trees? Well, he did get a good deal, but still.

He says he will be here between 7 and 8 tomorrow morning to set it up and transfer my files. Wow.

He rushed out. Said he was late for something. Lunch I'm guessing.

[LL44]

Ok, I know NOTHING of computers, but do you think he is trying to get things off your computer, by giving you the new one? Or can he install things in the new computer before actually setting it up at your house?

WEIRD!!!

[SallyM]

lwb, I am so naive I didn't even think of that. wow. I wonder? do you think that's possible neph?

[Reincarnated]

My H finally did something about the computer he took from our house, the one that the kids used (and he used--where I found the emails from CW).

He had someone at work refurbish some old model and left us that tower in the driveway when he picked up the kids--no monitor, keyboard, mouse... He kept the one from the house with the flat-screen monitor and all of the recent photos. I asked him about those, and he said he would burn them for me, but I hadn't given him any photos of the kids, so...
OK, I did give him photos of the kids. I have seen them in his apt when I was still allowed over there. Seems that he is "collecting" any and every slight that he can against me to throw in my face. I didn't take the bait on that.
(For anyone keeping score, that convo was sometime about 1 or two weeks ago--I had already given up on every seeing the computer come back, and I WILL NOT CONTACT HIM!!!)

I have no idea what is loaded on this thing. I have no plans on ever using it, since the tech guy could have put anything on there, including keystroke spyware, etc. I don't even know if it is going to work. I should have just spent the $300 myself and gotten something from BestBuy. But it should be ok for the kids to play games on, and I don't think I am even going to hook it up to the internet.

Really just posting this as a warning...be careful.

[mkultra]

He mentioned that one of the pics I sent almost made him cry. He said he looks at all his pics and videos before bed because he misses them. I told him I'd send more. Ended the call with a "Good night".

Today is another day.

Then why doesn't he come home? Is there a restraining order? Is he afraid of what he is capable of doing again out of anger? Does he say he does not love you? He seems to miss you and be attracted to you? Is it plain ego and stubborness?

My H says he only misses the kids not me. I do not think that sounds like the case with your H. he still tries to speak with emotion to you.

[nephartiti]

I think he is buying things because he feels guilty. I don't think anything is loaded. I have the receipt. He bought it at 11:00 AM and was here at 11:20 AM. Everything is still in boxes. He brought his back up drive. He said he would be here tomorrow to back up my files and set up the new PC.

He also mentioned that he used this address for his new Best Buy acct. He said "I hope that's ok. If it's a problem I can change it." I told him it was fine. Then he went on to explain that he had been using his dad's address for cell and stuff and hasn't gotten any of his mail. I don't know if that's true, but I think it is a sign of rebuilding trust by using this address.

MK, we have not discussed us. Last time we did, he did not even want to look at me and basically said no to counseling. He said he was thinking about D (I was stupid and asked him if he wanted one. He said he was thinking about it.) Every time he says how much he misses the kids I want to say, "then come home" but we all know I can't. I don't know if he wants to. I think he feels guilty, but that doesn't mean he wants to come home. He is still going around her schedule and living with her. Only time will tell. His eye doctor left a message here to confirm an appt for tomorrow at 9:30 AM. I thought it was strange that they called here. I have tried really hard to make it safe for him to speak to me. I try not to question what he is doing or with who. If he speaks to me, I listen and try to be supportive. If he talks about his family, I ask how everyone is and send my love. I just act As If I am a friend and not a very close one. I don't expect too much, and I don't pry.

Actually, I feel a little uncomfortable accepting this as a gift. I just don't know if it's appropriate.

Question: Should I stay while he sets up the PC tomorrow, or should I leave?

[nephartiti]

lwb, there is nothing on this computer that I am hiding. He can see it all. The only questionable thing is a file folder of poems. The file folder is named "KEN" after the author whom H does not know. I have been exchanging e-mails for a few weeks now. I met this guy before H by selling him Tori tickets on e-bay. I cut off communication with him after H and I got serious. Anyway, I sent him a line and we've been talking a little. He's a writer and has shared some poems. When H was here messing with my PC, he opened several of those documents, according to PC history. Maybe that's what all this is about... Maybe he thinks I'm dating. Ha Ha. Yeah right, in between the kids, the job, and everything else. Plus this guy is 400 miles away and, well, just not my type. Well, we'll just let him think what he wants to think if it makes him think of what he might be losing.

[nephartiti]

OK, this is what I am going to do. I am sending a text msg:
"would it be possible to schedule tomorrow's visit for another time?"

I need a breather. I need time to think. Plus, he is not offering invites, so I cannot turn anything down. This is the only way I can be less available. He expects me to be sitting here every time he calls. He escapes OW briefly and pops by. I want to be a little more of a priority. I need a little more respect. Plus, I feel like I'm being pulled into something, but I don't know what it is. I don't know if it is in my best interest. I don't want to be pulled along just because I am a sucker. I don't know. Maybe I'm just acting in fear. I wish someone was awake over here... I believe he is taking OW with him to his family's again. This really hurts me. I just don't think I can play the part tomorrow.

MK, where are you?