Peicing hurts like hell and is harder than...

[cat03]

is the medal one of those foil chocolate ones? he he, I'll take it.

that I should be thankful for the bomb. It broke her pattern and habits. It is giving my W a chance to be healthy,

That's correct, my H said shortly after the discovery "I'm acually glad it's over now, I couldnt' deal with it anymore" Yes, we had a pattern, a sick pattern of him pretending he was ok, that we were ok while he was medicating himself with the A.
Now, for real, he's seeking help. Guess I'll stop beating myself for not pushing the T like I thought I should've, one day (before bomb) I told him that if things were not ok that I had found a good T he could see, he just looked at me and didn't say anything.
It was his burden to bear, not mine, as you said, I am not responsible for his happiness, he is.

What eats me is that loads of twisted and sick mentalities he has I"m sure he's gotten from ow, who, according to my H, had many personality problems, distrusted everybody and tore him to pieces when he messed up (would blow up if he even chewed w his mouth open, stuff like that). My H constantly did things by mistake that made her drill him to death, and prob his appologies just made her madder, for he thinks there is no use to appologize "you should just not do it". This came to light that night when I brought up the fact that when he hurts me he never says sorry. So I finally told him "so, we should never mess up right? so I now have your word you'll never loose your temper ever again?" then he realized very VERY reluctantly that his theory about appoligies didnt' make sence.
Much later on I asked him why he'd change like that, he was never like that before he left in 2005, the only thing he could say is that he is is prob fatalistic now.

Anyways, the issue that you and I can't rationalize away is the affection part. We both know our spouses are not there yet but that doesnt' stop us from yearning their touch, feeling them next to us, I hear you friend. On my end, I will try to be happy with baby steps, seeing my H act a bit more at ease, more relaxed, talking about renovating our home in the future, a future he sees in which we are together.

I think I've resigned for good as head of the improvement committee, trying to always meddle into my H's ways of doing things, so, that's a good thing.

Hope this day finds you fine and dandy, just came from my beloved zumba dance, boy I feel good! it's a beautiful day out there and we are here, alive and well to tell the tale