Quit worrying about your wife. Focus on the kids. Most kids do bounce back and buckle down as long as you're able to keep them out of the conflict. That isn't to say there is no mental anguish, there will be.
This isn't a "we" decision. It's a "she" decision. Either she's your wife or she isn't. You're monogamous. If she's your wife she is too. The decision has always been hers. If she decides not to be monogamous with you then SHE is breaking up the family. "Your mother doesn't love me any more and as much as I'd like to make things work out she doesn't so the best for everyone involved at this point is..." and tell them your decision. I wouldn't live with her, but that's my very own personal non-scientific opinion. Heck, Luke, I'd be afraid of getting AIDS or some other non-fixable STI. Your right, though..it's all lousy.
