Thanks Cac - that is what I am getting at. Frankly, I don't think I am entitled to my H desiring me every moment and being continuously interested in having sex with me or always doing it the way I want it. However, he rarely appears interested, grudgingly does it at all and when he does participate it rarely includes my preferences. What I am entitled to is the truth of why that is.
If I went with your plan then I could have sex on vacation 2 or 3 times/year, in exactly one position with oral only if I force myself upon him. Other than that I could probably get away with an additional one or two times per month with even less frills (as in very little kissing j- also all generated by me). That appears to be what he is "comfortable with". I have gone with that at times and become increasingly uncomfortable with myself and my own feelings of authenticity and self respect. This isn't about being the Queen of Sheba and wanting it all my way.
Out discussions about sex ARE NOT bonding experiences. They are rarely loud or combative but they aren't fun and he invariably retreats even further for a long time thereafter.
I don't want to fix him. I want him to tell me what is wrong with me, with him and/or with us that makes things this way. Then we can evaluate together what is fixable and what isn't.
