lost in the land of confusion 8 and holding

[LuvMyHusband]

I only got about 3 hours sleep last night. Could not sleep, too much going on in my head, worried and frustrated.

Not sure if I mentioned this before but we moved from CA to Utah last November. My H had many plans of what he was going to do. So far, nothing has materialized. He has worked for 18 years at the same job and wanted something different. To be his own boss. I have my own business and have an income coming in but I am dependent on people making their payments timely and if they don't...well, I'm in trouble. My H has been depending on my income to float us until he could get going. I have told him many times that I worry because if my pymts don't come, we are in trouble. So we have been getting by on my income and savings. I am worried sick. I think that's part of my resentment is that he is not providing for our family as he should be. It's not that he can't get a job here, he hasn't tried. I don't want to lose everything for his dreams.

Ok, so last night I thought a lot and read the posts of veterans. One thing that kept replaying was to do 180's. My H has said many times that he doesn't feel needed, wanted, loved and respected. Honestly, I can see how he would feel that way. I think I need to give him space but not showing him affection or being intimate may only confirm what he already is thinking.

I also cannot handle being left to deal with the finances by myself anymore. I can't carry the burden alone anymore. The amount of money he is spending driving back and forth between Utah and California plus hotels is adding up with no money coming into supplement. I return from my trip on Tuesday, if he decides to leave on Weds I am thinking about asking him to talk about finances beforehand. Laying it all out for him. I understand how badly he wants to be self employed but right now everything about our life is sinking. R, Family and Finances. I can't do this alone anymore. I am thinking about asking him what we can do, pointing out how much his leaving is costing us, and how we need to do something to have a steady income without saying "YOU need to get a job and support our family or I will have to". At some point he has got to put the well being of this family before his needs or mine.

Anyway, any advice would be appreciated.