Dom, I get what you are saying, however, I don't think you get the entire picture. I don't travel that much any more, short of a natural disaster, I won't be going anywhere for quite awhile.
Our marriage counselor also serves as her psychologist, and mine. He has very intimate knowledge of both of our issues and situation. With our permission, he is able to share a limited amount of information with each spouse. When she told him and I that she has been affected, to the "very core of her cells, and it's not her fault that she doesn't want to work on the marriage."
Every mental health professional and counselor (a total of at least 6 PHDs and MDs) that she has been involved with or is very familiar with her situation/state of mind, all have provided the same diagnosis, and outlook for the marriage. When she threatend suicide, her primary care physician wanted to have her in the emergency room for monitoring, but my wife talked her out of it.
Every time that a mental health professional or counselor has told her what she doesn't want to hear, she gets another one. Which so far is all of them. The only reason that she is staying with our current psychologist is that she isn't going to work on the marriage anymore. He said that she may never make progress due to her narcissism, splitting and state of denial.
She now does what she wants, (i.e. schedules conferences, trips, meetings with her friends and god knows what) leaving me to watch the kids, or leaving them alone for hours while I am working. This DOES hurt the kids and myself, as our family time is greatly reduced, the kids feel abandoned by my wife, and are pretty darn sad by the whole situation. Other things that she forgets or forgoes also impact the kids (i.e. holidays). My wife may not care for holidays and family traditions, but she doesn't realize how important they are to the kids. She continuously downplays and sometimes declines to participate in these important activities, which REALLY hurt the kids.
The kids have already been negatively affected and my daughter has had some serious social issues, and she sees a child psychologist. My son is also starting to show these signs, and we have him seeing a psychologist.
I am also a member of a progressive men's suport group (not a divorce support group) and they too (including two MDs and a phychologist) comment that this is a very unhealthy relationship.
The big thing is my wife is expecting this to go on for the next EIGHT YEARS until the kids leave the house. If anybody wants to live in these conditions for eight years, they should have a mental examination (quotes from my phychologist and psychatrist). No emotional contact, no physical contact whatsoever (I'm not even talking about sex), these are basic human requirements for humans to live. My mental needs require alot reassurance, and my kids can't provide that.
Well, I have a four day holidy weekend coming up, the weather is nice, and I'm going for a hike in Michigan! Thanks!
