it is so hard wondering why he hasn't called tonight. I am NOT going to give in and call him. It's also making me crazy not checking to see if he is online but I won't do that either. I'm just worried that with my going dark, what if he sees it as I don't care about him? That I am doing just fine without him so he justifies why he is gone?
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
Ya kind of jumped all over the place this afternoon and I saw you e- mail but can't seem to find it now. You seem like a very hyper person. I get tired just reading your stuff. I realize you are trying to keep busy to keep things off your mind but from reading your thread it seems like this has been going on for a long time. How long ago did your husband move out? You are persuading. Is it a good thing? I don't know. I have been dealing with a bunch of crap for a long time. It took a long time and with the help of my "buddies" here to get to where I am now. I have had to learn to detach for myself not to get "even" I have had to learn to let go of the OM (am still working on this) I think now I am at the point to start perusing again. But....... this can be hurtful. I need to be prepared to be let down. Sex or as you call it "being intimate" is different between men and women. This is what hurt me the most about my W having the affair. NOT to make and excuse for her actions because there is none. She was looking for emotional support. The guy was just looking for SEX. He does not care about her. About my family. He just wanted a Scr3w. I am not saying your husband is the same because he loved you at one time and most likely still does but.......... If you become "intimate" with him just because he comes over what is he missing? Now if you two have a meaning full conversation or go out to dinner or something and that leads to sex well if you want to ok. But don't just be his toy or you will never get him back permanently.
Sorry but that is my option it is not right or wrong it is just me. Just to prove to you how sex is different between men and woman I was sooo desperate at one time I was willing to let my W see the other man if she would stay with me. I have come a long way since then but I was just as desperate as anyone here. I am at the point that I do have my needs. I would prefer to get them met by working on my marriage and staying with my wife but I am to the point that I will NOT cheat on her and if she is not willing to work things out then I am going to ask for a separation so I can find someone to talk to. To hold and fall asleep in their arms it has been so long.
Did I help you or just rant and rave
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Sorry if I am commingon to strong. I don't mean to. I just started back to work after being off for a long time and I am tired. I think you were asking about if you should have sex or not. it is up to you how you feel. If you feel good about it fine if you feel used then therer is something wrong. Saffie & Yoyo,
I WILL e mail yain the morning getting up at 3:00 am after sleepingin for the last 6 weeks is starting to get to me. My typo's are bad enough when I am fully awake, Who nose butt I may right now. Just kidding......
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hi Husband, just came back on, can't sleep. lol. no worries about coming on too strong. I'm looking for advice. No, I am not usually hyper. I'm just very emotional right now and trying to stay strong. I am so afraid, lonely and probably desperate. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be held and loved. My H hasn't technically moved out. 99% of his stuff is here but he's not. He's been gone most of the time since August 6th. He says he loves me just isn't sure if he can live with me. Your right, the problems have been going on for a long time. Both of us. I'm to the point where I am finally examining myself and not him.
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
Skots, I am sorry for thinking you were hyper. After a good nights sleep. (It's 3:00am now) I understand where you are coming from. I am sure if you or I read my thread from 6 months ago I sounded the same way. To give you a quick back ground. My W and I were not "being intimate" for a long while. I being a stupid man thought it was because my W was going through menopause. I was willing to except that because I married for better or worst. Then when working on our computer I needed to free up some memory and found some pictures of my W naked with her XBF. Now this guy was married when we were dating and they kind of fool around on his wife way back then. (19 years ago). But she had stopped because she finely figured out that he was just stringing her along. So fast forward to now the pictures I found were taken when she was supposed to be with her "Girl friends" on an overnighter at OUR TIME SHARE. I was devastated. I cried like a baby. I begged and pleaded with my W to give ME a second chance. OK now lets look at this statement "I CRYIED AND PLEADED WITH MY W FOR A SECOND CHANCE" WHY???????? I didn't do any thing. Why am I asking for a second chance? As yoyo, Sara, Saffie, Matilda, My hippie mama Cali and everyone else here will tell ya I have been back and forth between anger and hurt. But....... You have helped me see the light. My W is ALWAYS saying how fat she is. I do think she has a low self esteem. To be honest yes she is a little over weight. She has gained a few pounds since we got married. But I love her. I am not really attracted to those pole bean women anyway. But getting back to you, reading your post you said something to the extent that your husband looking at porn on the computer "made you" look outside your marriage and ended up having the affair. It's amazing how some people on here have admitted at attempting suicide and I am embarrassed / afraid to admit that I did turn to porn to get by when my W was not being "intimate" with me. That is one of the things she said to me the day I was slobbering like a child that it bothered her that I did that. You got me thinking. See like I said sex is different for MOST men that women. And I guess men looking at porn makes women feel that they are not good enough for their husbands. What I thought I was doing to keep faithful to my W was actually hurting her more. I have been wanting to talk to Tal about this but just never got around to it. Then here you come out of the blue and the light comes on. I may be chasing another rainbow in trying to fix my marriage but I think I am at a good place to do it. It's like my old marriage had caught fire and was burned down to the ground. The last few months I have been cleaning up the garbage and tearing down the old walls. I have poured a new foundation and am ready to start build the new house.
Skot's you have a long journey ahead. You will have many up's and downs. It is not going to be easy. You will have nervous break downs and days of extreme hope just to have them topple over again. But if you want your marriage to work hang in there. Even if it does not you will be a better person in the end. Yoyo and Saffie, I pretty much said what I was going to e-mail you about so I may not e-mail ya. I do have some plans in the works but I had to get this off my chest. Skot's if you want to ask me anything you can e-mail me at Manuelm1@comcast.net
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
You are an amazing guy. Yoyo and I though you might think skots was masquerading as your wife LOL!!! . Not really - we just thought you might think that.
I want to say here that my H looked at porn on the internet when we were not being as intimate as we had been. I did feel a bit funny about it but what I felt most was guilt because i had driven him to 'need' to do that because I wasn't giving him the affection / love he needed. Don't beat your self up about this husband.
Your wife may have felt that she didn't look good or rate next to the girls on the porn site. I know I felt that. But one knows inside oneself that these girls are 'plastic shells' and what matters most between a H and a W is the love and caring. I would rather my H looked at porn than went out and screwed another w - which is what my H did do.(Even if it wasn't very good sex). Did you get a chance to explain to her why you looked at the porn?
If she was suffering from low self esteem she probably is now aswell husband. You need to let her know you find her attractive and sexy.She only needs to talk to some of us to tell her how much you love her. We all know that, now SHE needs to know.
How was your W last night?
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Everything is good. When I got home from work she was putting togeather the chair we bought with my son and asked for some help. Then she had to go to the doctor for a "woman thing" I asked her how it went. She said ok it was just a mamagram no bid deal. I said it is if they find something I am glad everything is ok. She made a nice dinner stuffed cabage.
No I have not told her why I looked at porn.
husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I am on a holding pattern until this weekend. Letting the letter sink in. Come this weekend (her b-day is Sunday) I am back to dating. I know I am setting myself up for hurt but I am at the point that it is all or nothing. If I feel like giving her a hug I am going to do it. If I feel like saying "I Love you" I am going to do it. It is either going to pull her in or drive her away but I need it to happen one way or the other. Do you understand?
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
