Just checking in. All's well w/ son. We're home. H was very supportive from afar. Going to crash now
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Well, I called FIL after the surgery to tell him that all went well. He said they may come up this weekend. Some background, they only live 1 1/2 hrs away and NEVER come to see us. It's sad really. Boys hardly ever see them. I think they've seen S19mnths MAYBE a handfull of times and he's almost 2. He was also named after FIL's father!!!!
I told H this a.m. that and then proceeded to get a little teary eyed. I told him it's probably just PMS, and I've dealt w/ it, but during the whole D sitch, FIL came up to talk to H (I guess) and treated me like complete sh*t that night that he was here. I felt uncomfortable in my own home. He acted so cold & indifferent to me. On top of this, I was REALLY close w/ FIL!!! When I was pregnant w/ our first boy, H was in training and I actually lived w/ FIL & his wife. Anyway, I don't bring things up to rub them in H's face, but sometimes I think he needs to realize how much that whole time period affected me and how much pain it truly caused and how just little "life" things bring everything back very easily.
Now, don't get me wrong, at the same time, I also remind myself that H was obviously in a lot of pain for a long time too for him to even get to the D point to begin w/. I am never going to forget all the lessons I've learned through this, but sometimes it's hard to just "forget" the way H has been able to.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Oh, man, it is WAY too early. I could NOT sleep last night and now I'm up @ 4:30 a.m.
I may have to get a hysterectomy done and I'm only 35. I guess I'm having "issues" as to whether to talk to H about it. I know I won't say anything until I know for sure. I think one of the things that bothers me is that I was having these problems about a year and a half ago and it seemed almost as if that is what jump started the whole D sitch. H almost seemed angry w/ me for not feeling well, etc. I guess I'm afraid that it will "bring it all back" for him or something. That he may start having the same feelings again when the same things start happening.
I know I can't live my life this way. I know I need to take care of myself physically as well.
Then I start getting "paranoid" about what I said to H yesterday about FIL. I honestly don't bring up the whole sitch a lot, but then I'm afraid after something like that happens, that H is going to start feeling irritated w/ me.
Ok, just journaling my feelings. Probably just PMS
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Why do you think you may need a hysterectomy? You are only young?
If you need it you need it and H will understand. He may even think Woo Hoo no more wories about pregnanacy when it comes to ML!!!!
Don'e beat yourself up about FIL. I bet H doesn't give it another thought,. Thinkgs ae always worse at 4 in the mrning - classic time for me to get panic attacks.
(((((hugs)))))))
You are doing good young lady. Like me your mins is your worst enemy. Try reading Leraned Optimism by Martin E. P. Selligman. I an finding it very helpfull.
Honestly, H has seen what a bad thing the M breakdown was and tome away has helped consolidate those feelings. You wil be fine.
Send me an email if you want.
Take care. ((((HUGS)))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I started having really bad cramps all the time and was bleeding for weeks at a time. Last August, dr did an "ablation" which was the burning of my uterus, but now I'm starting to cramp again so he's saying "hysterectomy" which he was really saying last year, but the ablation was to try to prevent having to do that. He would probably be able to do it vaginally, so the girl in his office said it would be about a week's recoup time instead of 6+ wks if they had to do it abdominally. I'm going in on Monday and I'm going to just talk to him about it all. Hopefully he would be able to leave in at least 1 ovary so I wouldn't have to start on hormones already!!!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
It's the hormones thing that is the real kicker. NOt having periods everymonth would be a big plus. It's at times like this though that you could really do with H home. If you needed an op would he get compassionate leave so as to be able to help?
Oh, Honey, I so want to be able to give you a hug. It's one thing to not want more children but it's another to actually thing you can't have any more.
Are you OK about the possibility of a n op or does it scare you?
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Oh, after Clark (19 month son), I got my tubes tied. Some background, I got pregnant w/ Cade (7 yr old) immediately after we got married. Not on purpose, mind you. I wasn't on any birth control and the first time I ovulated, bingo Don't regret it. I then got pregnant when he was maybe 2 or so, but it was a "blighted ovum" where there's the whole pregnancy, but just no baby. Then w/ Reid (S3), it was kind of like "if it happens, it happens" and it did. Then Clark was a total surprise. When I went in, the doc immediately said "so we'll tie your tubes after this one?" H was supposed to actually get a vasectomy after Reid, but it never happened and bingo (again) that's when Clark happened.
He told me later, he had actually gone to a D lawyer and then we found out I was pregnant w/ Clark. Nice. It was while I was on maternity leave w/ Reid that he told me in a letter all about his previous A's. During the D sitch, he actually told me that he had hoped that I would kick him out then when he told me about everything, but I don't know if that's really true or not.
Anyway, my tubes are tied already so that's not really an issue. 3 boys are enough for us Love them, but I don't "need" a girl and H certainly doesn't -- he would have a shotgun at the door when she turned 12
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
