Sigh! No baby yet! We continue to wait with bated breath, while still contending with my H starting his new job next week in the USA. We were down in WA last week, getting the visa, opening bank account, etc.
I do have a job interview tomorrow, so that's interesting. I have not been posting much what with all the stuff we are dealing with right now.
H and I are still in separate rooms, and I don't know what he intends. He acts like there is nothing wrong ... still does the kiss hullo and goodbye, still wants to hold hands when out and about, but there is no movement toward working on the M. I am truly at a loss!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
How does he define working on a marriage? Is he going way back to the extreme basics? Maybe talk to each other about how this should be approached if possible.
I think my H defines trying as not leaving. But, I am only going by his actions, since he won't talk to me. I tried again the night before last ... just asking him if this is all he wants out of our M, and he said that it's not ... so, I asked him what he's going to do to change it, but we were interrupted and never got back to it. He will avoid all R talk as much as possible.
I am really thinking of ending it ... he leaves on Saturday to find a place in WA, then on to Virginia for orientation for his new job. I think it will only be a matter of time before he betrays me out of loneliness. Sure ... he says he'll be home every weekend, but I am just waiting for the first one where he has some excuse for not being home. I can't do this anymore. He didn't stay for me ... he stayed for the children, which is laudable, but where does that leave me? I want a real M.
I am so tired of this.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
In other news ..... my D20 gave birth to her baby girl last night. Her name is Chloe and she weighed in at 8lbs 12ounces, and 19in long. I am both sad and happy .... sad she is with her idiot much older boyfriend, and happy to have another grandchild. Isn't that just like life .... nothing comes without a price.
Anyway, I am in a gloomy mood today .... cried all night last night. No H to come and console me, since he was sleeping very peacefully, and on time, in the guest bedroom. One of the things that irritate me about him ... nothing, absolutely nothing, inteferes with his bedtime and wake up routine. Oh well, I should know better after 22 years of marriage, to hope that he will somehow know how I am feeling. He hasn't even tried once, or asked, to come back to our bed. So, that tells me a lot.
I need to get myself out of this rut ... I was so strong, but now I feel weak and pathetic. I can't concentrate on anything ... job interview went awful because I couldn't focus on the questions they were asking me. I am just a wreck. Too much happening at the same time, and I feel like I'm in a vortex of stress.
Writing this down does help, so thanks to those who got this far in reading.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
oh sweety)))) I hear you totally, I've also lost my hard will for a while and are quietly curled up in a corner waiting for the sun to come my way again and to renew my strenght. We can't stay strong forever, we are human darn it, we wear out too, despite our best intentions.
Accept that right now you are in "self-preservation " mode, you dont' have to be Xena warrior princess 24/7, take care of yourself and prepare yourself for the next interview--sorry last one went bad, but there are more that one came from. Sending mega hugs your way, congrats on the new baby! such a blessing it is a healthy baby
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
We were down in WA last week, getting the visa, opening bank account, etc.
