I don't actually remember the last time I got an ILY from him, before all this crap happened. He said he said it first all the time, and I never aid it first. He was most likely right, because I didn't even feel loved by him, for a long time. Now, I say it all the time, and he rarely says it, but now has said it three or four times since last year. And when I say ILY, he either says ILY, too, or love you, too, which is the way I used to say it.
I, too have been busy with inlaws this week. FIL is in the hospital. He had bypass surgery, so I have been taken up with that. In the past, he has said I didn't care enough to visit his family, which I believe is symptomatic of MLC. So, this time, I have made it obvious I DO CARE. Taking dinner and breakfast to MIL, taking son to visit, and visiting myself every day. I love his family, and want him to see that. They have been more of a stable family to me, than my own.
I have to get off now, because he should be home in a few minutes, the football game should be over.
Hey, It looks like FIL is doing so much better, I have been busy doing stuff for them, and visiting them. I haven't mentioned to H that I am doing stuff for them, unless he says something, and you know what?? I am enjoying helping them out. Even BIL is seeing the difference in me. I am trying to be the fun person I used to be.
My H went to the dr. the other day, and got put on blood pressure medicine. His pressure was 210/100, which he says is my fault. I don't think so, and would not take responsibility for it. He's the one who gained 40 lbs. this past yr, while I lost 60. I think he was joking.
I think H is being slightly more affecionate with me, and definitely less critical. So, that's a positive.
I tried to have R talk with H since Thursday Nite and there has not been a good time at all and now all new shows start tonite and he will wnat to wach them and he works until & so i don't know if it will be tonite or not until wednesday when he's off.
I like to shoot guns (rifles and pistols to there fun). Bow is my favorite though.
I'll e-maill you when I get some R talk out of him.
Keep Dbing like we promised each other we would, act as if, it sounds good for both of us!
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Hey, jak, I just don't talk R anymore at all with H. Occasionally he will say something, make a comment, but I usually don't reply, just look thoughtful or something. He is saying stuff that makes me think he is going to be here in the future. Yesterday, I was on the phone with him, and we said goodbye, and I said to myself--Don't say ILY, and see what happens--. Well, he said ILY to me. How about that?
I would really like to get out and do something like shoot guns or something, get out some aggression.
Don't forget, jak, tonight is Survivor, so tell your H he would do well on it. That's what I tell my H.
VC, if you want to shoot a gun, come on up here! Geez, EVERYONE here owns a gun, and so do we, for that matter. But we inherited them and h goes hunting about every 3 years (until his "Alaskan virus" took over, that is). HOpe things are smoother. I would definitely have laughed out loud if h had blamed ME for his high blood pressure (if he had high bp). Assume your h was kidding, or is in such denial that you find THAT funny too....sheesh!!
JAK you are so right about the question "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" It is amazing how many people tell me that h's behavior was "selfish" or "Wrong" (as if I don't know) and apparently think, That's it....party's over. Divorce.
I mean, they really get bogged down in how "right" I am to be angry and then they sort of leave it out there as if that's the whole story. I wonder how anyone stays married with this attitude.
Not to say all is smooth or fine. H does, at times, seems like a stranger, or someone I have little in common with. OTher times, I see d10 laughing and playing with him, and I feel a lot better.
As for your h's depression JAK, ummm, geez, how long do you have to wait? I saw a cartoon about the "HMO"s one stop therapy for depression" and they had a doctor slapping the patient in the face and saying "snap out of it!" So, point is, when will he take SOME responsibility for at least not being a drag to be around? What on earth do your kids say?
Well, no bear sightings over here. H's job continues to be a bit strained since he is not making a gazillion dollars. Honestly I do bite my tongue when he mentions something I KNOW I said last year....was he on glue? Seriously.....
MY job, on the other hand is actually interesting and is giving me experience that will likely help me elsewhere with the job market. Of course, I wanted a different type of job, as this is not my dream....but I know I need to be grateful to be able to make a good salary when I've stayed at home for years. (VC, did I mention to you that the Alaskans don't seem to have noticed the little 'gap' in my work experience?...thank GOD for job markets with shortages...)
So, very ironically, I believe h will want to leave here in the next several months. Since d10 is pretty happy and alright here for now, staying thru the winter won't kill me if it's the only one. IF h changes his attitude and starts wanting to hang out forever even without the fortune, maybe mine will change too. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
VC, are you kind of hanging in there hoping to just "be" for now? Or are you at the end of your rope with zero R talk? Still worrying about OW? How is your son? I did find I needed to take a break from R talk at times, just to laugh and enjoy each others' company, or at least not to have stress and pressure every minute. You know, how some people are constantly taking the temp of the R? For us, each moment of silence/peace seemed to build until we were relaxed enough to start liking being around each other. But without expectations.
Oh VC, have you checked out Faithisbelieving 's posts lately? I think you know him- and his w is so hurtful these days I am running out of hopeful things to say, if you kwim. If you have a moment, check it out.
Take care Ladies, and keep in touch. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
yes you can email me (you too VC-and I promise to check my email more often!)
JAK, I'll try to check your thread. FYI, my sister's h is terminally ill but always wanted to see Alaska, so they're spontaneously flying up here tomorrow night and I hope to show him a really good time. He is a good guy who got a crappy deal at a young age, with a fatal brain tumor. Helps me keep things in perspective and I swear, the guy has NEVER complained about feeling sick or being a victim. Not once. If you guys are up for prayers, I think a prayer for him being here, and maybe seeing God's abundance could help. I get the impression his faith is being really challenged lately. I just know in my heart, even without tons of "details" - that our lives are not purposeless and that all the goodness and beauty and love we see, all the complexities of neurosurgery, NASA shuttles, the love we feel for our children, bravery and compassion for strangers...is Not the result of a some random molecules banging into each other....
There were many days (and lots of nights) that I needed to remind myself of that. So, JAK, (and VC) as low as you may feel right now, please know there is some sort of plan. I don't know if that means we'll end up with our marriages intact, but I know that we won't be deserted. Make sense?
End of sermon. So, I'm off to check your thread JAK, assuming it's easy for my pea brain to find. Take care ladies and we'll "talk" soon. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Oh my 25 I will keep all of you in my prayers. I understand completly what you are saying. God has a plan for each one of us. It just remains to be seen just what our job is here on earth for the rest of our lives. I do know there is a reason for what we go thru just wonder what he has planned.
Your BIL must be very spaecial! god certainly has a plans for him up there. ((((((hugs))))) to all of you.
JAK
Last edited by jak58; 10/04/0712:30 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
