There and Back, #8

[nephartiti]

Morgan, rant as much as you need to. No more, no less. This is a hard time. Let it come, let it flow, let it go.

Things are going better for me than before but it still feels so impossible. I had a meltdown today in the car on the way to the bank. No real reason. No upcoming anniversary. Just because. If I can meltdown just because, then you are definitely entitled.

Re: H and OW. They are in La La Land, remember. That is what it is all about. No worries, just fun. Then reality comes crashing down, as you have seen your H struggle with. It is not all roses all the time. They create this facade so they can keep going, but eventually the rose colored glasses have to come off.

I believe that if H and I reconcile, we will have to start all over. New wedding, new marriage, etc. I think our current marriage is dead. I might not even acknowledge our next anniversary. Our five year R anniversary is in Nov, but our old R is dead, gone, buried. I am starting a new R with my H. It is awkward and basically friendly at the moment. Maybe it won't go beyond that. Maybe we can work back up to partners. I don't know. Maybe this perspective will help you see things differently. Go easy on yourself. Don't beat yourself up about the cookies either. I bet they were fabulous.