That was a beautiful letter you wrote your wife. I commend you for it.
I'm having a rough day today. Went by the house and noticed she took some of my stuff out of the dresser and put it in a plastic box in the junk room. She wanted to make more space for herself. She also took down a framed work of cross-stitching that someone gave us for our wedding--a lot of words on love and marriage. It used to hang in the bathroom; it now is on the floor in the junk room.
I love my wife and believe we might be good for each other given the work we are each doing, but today I am skeptical about whether continuing this marriage is a good idea.
I saw her for five minutes last night when I dropped off the dog crates. We were pleasant with each other--she gave me two different samples of some new recipes she made. What the hell does that mean?????? I shouldn't even ask that question, because I don't know the answer.
I'm at a point where I'm really considering detaching even further. I have not begged, pleaded, or asked for a timetable. I have signaled several times that I am ready to work on creating a new marriage, but that I also respect her wish for space. All I get is "thanks for your email," whatever that means. She seems to like the flowers I bring every couple of weeks. I drop off flowers without a note or anything heavy. She even thanked me for them a couple of weeks ago. Still, I feel like I don't know what to make of the fact that she has kept the flowers I dropped off Monday.
Maybe I need to just really detach even further. We have minimal contact now, but tonight I'm wondering if she thinks I'll always be here for her and so why not enjoy her "freedom?" She doesn't sign any emails "Love, " Earlier this summer she would sometimes do so, but lately no such signatures.
So, I'm wondering if she really has decided she wants out, or if that conclusion reflects more of my fears than anything else. This is so damn hard!
Not a good day. I'm still immensely positive about the changes I've made for myself, but increasingly skeptical about whether this marriage is going to survive.
Yesterday Dr. Robin Smith, who has educated me about so much, told one of her callers to concentrate on giving your love to people who will accept it, and that there are lots of people ready to accept what you have to give. I find myself agreeing with that today. Wife doesn't want what I have to offer, doesn't even want to ask what I have to offer, so I find myself wondering if my patience is courageous or foolish. Another day on the roller coaster, with today being a downer!
Thanks for your repeated postings. I value your input, and I appreciate hearing your story. Let's keep in touch on these boards. I find it immensely helpful.
