[ramble-tastic! i know i might go over stuff that i've already said, but in these long hours of work I need to find some comfort!]
I know there's some stuff in Divorce Remedy, but are there any good threads here on the "how the heck to survive what seems like a 99.999% probablility your marriage is over, but still hold onto that little bit of hope, without driving yourself totally nuts" topic?
I ask, because while I know there's the Get A Life approach - I unfortunately work too much to apply that very well. My work schedule and my jobs are part of what led me to being self-loathing and thus unloading on my wife and friends. Even though I'm all well-educated and such, I'm stuck in two jobs I hate just to bring in the money. Sun,Tues, Wed, Thurs are typically 12 hour days.
Getting home at 9pm and having to get up at 7am leaves me with little ambition/ability to get out and do stuff. I usually end up spending 2 hours on the couch, talking with my roommates, catching the Daily Show, then going to sleep.
So I have alot of time to think (even when I make myself stop, it comes back) about things. Like that she's looking at apartments and has said that "it broke" - meaning her desire to make the relationship work.
That mostly came from the concern that my anger issues would never be fully resolved and that they might come back when we have kids. That, and she was very wounded when I didn't trust her, until she told me she wasn't having a PA.
My only real goal is to persuade her (through actions, mostly - words sometimes) that our marriage CAN be saved and worked on. If we were just dating/engaged, I would give up easier. But those vows I took were me saying I'd walk through Hell for her and for this marriage.
Her willingness to work on this "broke" on 9/14/07. I need to coax it back. To do that, I need to be in a good place - which means Getting A Life.
I think I'm doing OK on working on my anger/self-worth issues. It's the marriage thing I'm so in limbo on.
