muddled and angry: Puddle's third thread

[Nomopo]

I don't think opening up is necessarily a bad thing for you, Puddle. It might open you up to some hurt, but will it hurt less or more if you keep it inside?

Trying to meet Puddle's needs or H's needs here? If it's Puddle's, do it elsewhere it it drives you and H further away.

Regarding being stubborn about saying the "marriage CAN work", maybe -- You are right, our marriage can't work with only one of us wanting it to. And leave it at that.

I'd leave it at "you are right." The rest of that is a shot at him, a disagreement with him, and he'll no it, get pissed, and dig his heels in for more fighting.

Also, to cover the territory of making him own his choice because this is his decision, maybe a general statement along the lines of "as much as you'd like me to be in the same place as you, I'm not. I know in my head that I'll eventually get there, but my heart hasn't caught up yet. For you to expect me to immediately agree that this is hopeless and that I shouldn't love you is cruel/mean-spirited/foolish (don't know the word I'm looking for here) and not the way that my emotions work.

Again, this sounds like we're trying to meet Puddle's needs. Do you need him to acknowledge you're not there? Put your needs aside. I'd not fight him. What can you accomplish by that?

Man, this is interesting, huh?

Nomo