The book I have read is an E Book from David Cunningham at http://www.makingherhappy.com (mans guide to great relationships and marrage ) and also I got on CD ( but you can buy the Book ) way of the superior man by Deida. I got it on CD so I can listen in the car as I travel a lot.
I keep reading stuff but the message is generaly the same in a lot of this stuff and I will try and give you the general idea of where I am at right now.
What has happened to a lot of us Guys is our W's have got bored in our R's and then they have met someone who is different , exciting and a challenge to them . For whatever reason they hae chosen to chase this rather than see if they can get what they need from us within the M. Like many here I spent a lot of time trying to please my W and where did that get me ? right here. Now even divorce busting tells you not to keep going down cheeseless tunnels , and for me being the nice quiet husband has not worked , for to long I have "wussed" out trying to keep W happy and for too long W has been in this M because "it was the right thing to do". For too long I have not learned to realy listen to my W and learned how she communicates , so for too long she has had too put up with me seeming to be insensitive too her needs.
I have realy taken on board the need to attract a partner and also have read some of the dating stuff thats easily found. Not because I want to go out dating yet but because I want to learn to be attractive to my W.
Now I do have a motive for this as even if we never get back together , if she finds me attractive she hopefully will be less inclined to "take me to the cleaners" at settlement time and we will enjoy a better ongoing R at some level for the sake of our kids.
A lot of what I am hopefully achieving will help me in all areas of my life. That is to have Confidence to do the right things and not give up what I think is right to please others. To have compassion for others. To have a sense of humour and have fun with others. Lastly to take an interest in what others are doing.
Once you have confidence in yourself , you can let go of the fear . Note that confidence and assertiveness does not mean railroading others into doing things your way.
I hope that makes some sense.
I have got to the stage where I have accepted that my M is "done" so there is nothing I could do to make it worse realy so I may as well have some fun and treat W like someone I have met that I would like to have an R with. If nothing else it will be good practice.
