There and Back, #8

[SallyM]

thanks, dom. you've given me some stuff to think about. I appreciate it.

neph, a little too much comfort food in the cookies...I ate 6. ouch. I usually just make the stuff for the kids, maybe have one or 2, but wow. going double-hard at the gym tonight.

okay, its time for my daily freak out. just for october, but I can pretty much guarantee one a day until after my anniversary. sorry, folks, but I'll say ahead of time I really appreciate the support. because I'm going whiskey bottle here. I know I am. but I'm also thinking I'm most likely right. so maybe a little more gut than the whiskey was.

h just wrote me to let me know of some business travel that is coming up, not till november, but giving me plenty of notice. he also let me know that he is going to see springsteen in concert on 11/19...a monday. normally he doesn't have anything to do with the kids that day, but he wanted to let me know anyway. so here I sit, bawling my eyes out, because all I can think is, well, now I know what OW gave him for their anniversary. no wonder he loves her.

oh sh!t, I'm crying now. again. yeah, this is going to be my month of tears.

see, if I had just gotten that e-mail pre-cookies, I wouldn't have eaten any. I feel ill.

[Dom R]

Ya know... I really like your quote, from your .signature.
I've liked it for a long time now.


"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"



Sometimes, when we put stuff in there, we forget about it.
I thought now might be a good time to notice it again

[Reincarnated]

Oh, morgan...I can only offer a hug {{{{hugs}}}}...I know how much it hurts when it washes over you like that, and/or takes you off guard.

I know that I have struggled with this very thing, but I can tell you the advice that IC gave me:

Make a list of things to do, people to call. Set the timer and allow 10-15 minutes to feel what you feel, cry if you must, then do at least three things from your list. Try to throw yourself into the activities as much as you can. It will be hard and feel awkward for a long time, but it will hopefully break the self-destructive thoughts.

And keep journaling.

[SallyM]

thanks dom and donna. I appreciate the support, I do. its not easy for any of us, I know.

I'm doing good now. thankfully these waves don't last long...I just need to vent to someone somewhere (lately its been mostly here, sorry, but hey, at least you all understand it, right?). once I vented a bit, I had good cry. actually, one of those keening, gut wrenching ones that I haven't done in months. it was tough, but I needed to do it. now I'm okay again...stay tuned till tomorrow's meltdown.

H came by for a very short time to see the kids since he had a last minute chance to see the sox game tonight. I really didn't have time for the gym, but went anyway for a very abreviated cardio w/o. felt good, if rushed. glad I went.

[andyv]

Morgan,

U know these types of R always have a shelf life.

It really does suck finding out that your H is spoiling OW. I remember how sick I felt when I found out that W had been splurging on OM (even though she cant afford it). It really sucks, because she never splurged on me, as I always did for her.

Also, in 17 years together, I can count on two hands the times she actually cooked dinner for our family (as I am the culinary king in our household). I have found out that she regularly cooks for OM at his place (might not be the most elaborate meals, but its the thought).

I think they need to validate everything they have done, and their feelings for OP, that they accentuate the thoughfullness and generosity (in the fear that it may not work, or OP may leave them).

Anyway, that is my threepence worth.
All my best,
AndyV

[SallyM]

okay, andy, you COOK too???

seriously, I'm buying that ticket to sydney.

thanks for the understanding. it really does help. it does suck to see them doing things for the OP. just need to pretend that its not all sunshine and roses 24/7. it can't be. I think I need to focus on his annoying habits...they have to get to her, too, right?

[mkultra]

Hi, Morgan. I think you are definitely allowed at least one rant per day in October! I laughed at your Lorelei analogy because I see myself with a Luke but I keep meeting Kirks!

[andyv]

Morgan,

That is exactly how I think re: annoying habits.

Give it time. One thing I have noticed in most sitches that have gone a similar route as yours is that with time, your H will slowly realise exactly what he has done, and that the grass wasn't as green on the other side as he had hoped. But you may choose not to be there when he does realise this.

I know people all say that the success rate is pretty low on this site, but I often wonder if the success rate is low due to the LBS calling it quits and moving on before giving the WAS an opportunity to come back?

I also need a coffee
AndyV

[SallyM]

Hi, Morgan. I think you are definitely allowed at least one rant per day in October! I laughed at your Lorelei analogy because I see myself with a Luke but I keep meeting Kirks!

lol...omg, mk, you win today. oh yes, darlin', you win. you actually made me laugh out loud. I'm talking to the point that I almost couldn't catch my breath again. thank you for that...oh how I needed it. why, why, why, do I think I will end up surrounded by a bunch of kirks, too??? lol.

[SallyM]

now, andy, didn't you just clean to coffee off your keyboard from our last conversation? (entirely your fault, btw, who drinks coffee that late at night?)

I do wonder from time to time about stats and such. hopefully we'll both break the odds here. but I don't know, there is a part of me that is beginning to wonder if its even what I want. hard when I think of them together...so going to stop that, even if its just me wondering if they will work out or not.