Remembering myself, Part II

[Dom R]

Imconfused gave a great description of what I have done for a "sneak attack" with H and he has complied. FWIW what I wish H had done is on ANY of those occasions said, "Honey, I just loved it when you sat on my face. Do it again and soon."

What you wrote, is a reminder, that my percentage guesses are accurate, and Lou's are totally wrong

It's also a very big pointer of something positive, and something negative.

Positive: When you were assertive about what you wanted: YOU GOT IT

Negative: you are poisoning your relationship with him, by your expectations of him.
I think, that YOU think, that you are somehow entitled to having that sort of a reaction from a man.
2x4: you're not

What if it was the other way around?

Classic example: Some men are wild for anal sex. Half the time, their wifes arent interested, or even hate it.

Sometimes, the wives that are ambivalent, or even hate it, participate in it on a semi-regular basis, because their husband really likes it.

If their husbands spent their time sulking about, "well, I got what I wanted... but what I REALLY want, is for my wife to tell me how much she loves anal, and she really wants it again, and soon"...

Doesnt that spoil their view of their marriage in general, PLUS spoil the whole enjoyment of, "wow, my wife is doing this thing that I really enjoy for me!"

Does the husband have any right to expect their wive's tastes to change? Can you see how self-destructive it is, to even dwell in wishing they would change?


Instead of moping about how he doesnt initiate it... How about finding the limits of how much he is comfortable doing it for you, and then just enjoying it?
It's tough to figure it out, if you dont have open and honest communcation going between you. But when and if you do:

Lets say his comfort limit for it, was once a week.
So, you ask/nudge/bribe/sneak attack him for it, some amount a little less than that. (every 10-14 days?)

Keep it where it maximizes your enjoyment, but under his threshold of, "wow, i'm really tired of doing this"

[huh.. i originaly wrote that, reguarding oral sex. but its probably applicable to your sex life in general, as well. just not on the same timescale. once a week should be the *minimum* for regular, i think ]


PS:

After a long uncomfortable radically honest discussion noone's libido is humming. Ya know?

AFter an uncomfortable one, sure. However, some radically honest discussions, can actually be an incredibly bonding experience, which promotes libido, rather than depressing it.

as far as his non-confort level with sex: you can either "try to fix him"... or you can just try to make it as comfortable as possible for him.
When you get to functional Radical Honesty... you could/should then ASK him, "honey.. how can I make it more comfortable for us to have sex together?"