Wow - I'm thinking that Stu and Dom both seem to have a pretty good bead on my H. Although Lou's percentages are probably fairly accurate. My H is not prone to rages when confronted but he is prone to rages that relate to other things (especially stuff the kids do/don't do) - he will scream about the thing done/not done, it will usually involve obscenities not directed at the person but at the thing that is done/not done and then he's kinda over it. Things he is confronted with result in a more avoidant or sometimes downright passive-agressive scenario.
He used to be uncomfortable when making plans with my family because he is not very involved with his. He didn't understand why we needed to see them once every 6-8 weeks (they live an hour away) and that sometimes that needed to be at their house. He was so uncomfortable with it that he would want to invite the entire universe to come along when they just wanted to be with us and their grandkids every now and then. This led to some miserable situations where everyone was uncomfortable, H would resist making plans, my parents would get pissed because H would bring along a dozen people etc... It was a huge issue. Finally, I confronted his avoidance and we had a couple of arguments about it and he admitted his avoidance and why and then we slowly but surely hit upon a solution. It took a while but now everyone is much more comfortable - him and my parents.
No - he is not prone to retaliation though.
Imconfused gave a great description of what I have done for a "sneak attack" with H and he has complied. FWIW what I wish H had done is on ANY of those occasions said, "Honey, I just loved it when you sat on my face. Do it again and soon."
H does of his own free will make it sound like he actually likes me as a spouse. He is a frequent sender of flowers to my work. How is it that he is more comfortable sending flowers that publicly show his feelings than groping me in private? A mystery to me. Dom, again I appreciate your optimism. H does get pretty p*ssy when I bring up sex. It has been such an uncomfortable, ongoing issue and talking about it seems to make both of us even less comfortable with the doing part. After a long uncomfortable radically honest discussion noone's libido is humming. Ya know?
