I'm still doing it

[nephartiti]

Thanks for visiting everyone. Yup, I've been eating the ice cream lately.

Today I got up a little resentful at H. S2 got sick yesterday. He tends to have a sensitive stomach, but yesterday, he really got sick. He was vomitting himself into convulsions. His whole body was shaking. He kept holding his eyes because they were rolling back on him. I was so scared for him, and he was scared too. Then he started asking for his father. We weren't home, but when we got here he was looking for him. We had all left at the same time after H's visit. S2 expected him to still be here.

S2 wanted to call, but I knew H was not available at that time. I am so angry that he is not available, even for S2 when he really needs him. Last night, I just did my best to comfort S2, but today, I am a little resentful.

I will not be answering calls today, if he even calls. I don't think I can play the pleasant happy person today. Dark is the word of the day today. I was planning on dimming the switch a little anyway. Today I just need a breather.

I went for a run this morning. I used to run 3-4 miles a day back in the day (days long ago). It's been a few years now. I surprised myself by almost making a mile. Boy those endorphins feel good. I was hoping I could leave all my anger out there, but I'm still a little ticked.

I want to lose a few more pounds too. My size 8's are falling off too, but I am only 5 feet so I could lose a few more.

MK, Tori is one powerful woman. There have been many times in my life when I felt like I was crawling on my knees and have been able to reclaim my power as a woman through her music. I refer to it as Tori Gospel. I know, I probably take it a little too far, but she really speaks to me. Don't let any man take that away from you, whether it is Tori or any one/thing else.

I did send H a few pics off the new camera last night with a thank you. I think he was a little disappointed when I put it in the bag instead of playing with it right away after he set it all up for me. I don't want to be rude I plan on trying it outside in the daylight today.

Best wishes to everyone.

[SallyM]

poor baby, sorry to hear about S2. hopefully he is better.

going dark isn't bad, just call him back when/if you want. you can even call him back when you know he isn't available, if you really don't want to talk to him. you are right, better than going off on him. trust me, I know. vent here. it helps me, I know. diffuses things. well, sometimes.

nice that you sent the pics, that is perfect, I think.

oh, and I just realized I refered to you, neph, instead of mk on the infidelity flu. mk, are you really in a loose 7 now? wow...not long ago you were in a 10, right? or am I thinking of someone else. make sure you are taking care of yourself, okay? i'm getting a little worried about you.

[nephartiti]

But let's go with Occam's Razor way of thinking. he needs to eat, sleep, and feel like he belongs somewhere. Show him the path home through food, love, and family. That is what it is all about. OK sex, too. But that is for MCs and Piecing. I could not do it with my H.

Yes, MK, I will try to remember this. He can't feel like he belongs too much over there when his stuff is spread all over the place at his aunt's, his dad's, here, the van, and there. He doesn't even have a place for his PC and, let me tell you, that thing is his pride a joy. I used to tease for years that the PC was his mistress. Now I would do anything for that to be the extent of our problems. Food is another thing. He was obviously hungry yesterday even though he was at the school for lunch. Based on what I know, he's living off mostly junk. Sleep. I don't know. He's up late and wakes up early to take her to school. Basic physical needs. I'll keep that in mind. He's like a scared little dog looking for a home. Poor thing.

I'm still not answering the phone today.

[nephartiti]

H is calling my cell. OK, done. I didn't answer. Now the house. She's on conference. Ok, I answered. I know, I'm weak.

[nephartiti]

Blasted. It's Tuesday. I forgot it they have a special schedule so she might be in class. Oh well, whatever.

Just small talk. After we said hi, he asked how I was again. He asked if I sent a video on the phone. Nope. (that was his excuse for calling. He couldn't see the video.) Just small talk. He got the pics through e-mail. Talked to S2, then was helping me figure out the bluetooth between my cell and PC. He got interrupted twice and had to tell someone to hold on ;). Anyway, I had to go because S2 was flipping out about getting ink on his hands and wanted to wash them. H said he would call later.

Oh, yeah, I mentioned that S2 was sick yesterday and was asking him. H said I should have called. Told him I just didn't want S2 to get more upset if he wasn't able to answer. Then I put S2 on the phone before it could get uncomfortable. I gave H a huge happy intro to S2. Enough said.

[Reincarnated]

Ugh, you mean OW was listening when he called?!

btw, since Nov last year, I have gone from a 14/16 to a 4/6; down to 128 at 5'1". I think I am thinner than when I married. Now, I just have to tone things up (what the hell happens to our skin after 30?!?)

I'm not going to answer (but I doubt he'll call, either). If it is an emergency, he'll leave a message. He called three numbers last night to get in touch with the kids (I was outside in the yard and didn't hear the house, cell, or in-laws' phone--the kids finally heard one of them going off and answered).

[nephartiti]

Yeah, I'm thinner now than when we married, but I wouldn't recommend this diet to anyone. It is one nice perk though.

Isn't it funny how they try so hard to reach us and get so annoyed when we don't answer. My H rejected so many of my calls, didn't want anything to do with me for a long while. Even when it was a valid reason to call, he would ignore, but heaven forbid I am not sitting by the phone if he gets a whim to call.

Btw, I don't know if it was OW. It sounded like someone opened a door and H said "just a sec." I'm guessing he's at school hiding in some room somewhere. Maybe he's somewhere else. It was very quiet except for the interruptions. I will say this, he did not hurry off the phone like I would expect. I ended the call. I didn't question where he was or who was there. I'm playing dumb, or as MK says, giving the benefit of the doubt. Same thing.

[SallyM]

nope, not a recommended diet...but hey, at least a silver lining, right? lol. my friend, when she was going thru her troubles, made it from a size 8 to a size 2. waaaaay too skinny, she's back up to a 6 now and looks great. I never made the 2. sigh. ah, well, I suppose health is a good thing, right?

neph, you have no idea who that was, so I think mk is dead on, it was some hairy co-worker (unless that describes ow).

[mkultra]

Neph, Donna, Morgan, You Gals are tiny! I must be the biggest one at 5'4, size 8!!!

I gotta say I have been everything from Small petite to Extra large- size 4 to size 14 ish and I get the most compliments at size 8. I dunno why, but I think it is because any more and I look frumpy in my chest and any less and I look too much like a boy. Size 8 medium- I look like a woman at my height, kind of strong but not frumpy. Happy about that.

Re: Phone calls-I imagine a student probably walked in on your convo. No way he would call you anywhere near any OP. No way. They are too slippery for that mistake. Probably some kid.

Re Tori: She has been through soooo much that girl. It is remarkable how she was the victim of rape and spoke about it to the entire world. Even set up a hotline to help others who went through that!

Re Extra Skin after 30: Umm, that is depressing me a little. I have stretch marks that are more noticeable now after the weight loss. I look better in clothes, but I am too embarrassed to imagine being intimate with anyone besides the father of my kids because to him, these marks are like a badge of motherly honour!!! I keep thinking no one else will appreciate that these breasts were for nursing!!!

[SallyM]

mk, size 8 here, only 5'2", trust me, not tiny. some size 6s are fitting now, but trust me, even when I am at my lowest, I never look tiny.