Your H sounds a lot like mine in some ways. Mine never used to call at all when away on work. Now he texts me during the day most days - even if it's just a smiley face. To know you are being thought of means so much. My H even stopped his away work in the end because I got so damaged by him being away post being told about the A, when everything was so raw. We have to hang on to these things.
You said once you chewed your H out a bit after he told you about his first A. Hopefully he will see that that will not happen this time, and so he may, in time, feel more able to talk about some things. Choosing your things that are important is good - and you seem to be being relaxed about it. I would never have known from the tone of your posts that your H was away.
(((((hugs)))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
im new here...but not to MLC..h came home in July.
OW...sorta wanna know but scared of the pain i will feel to know all the details. sometime i just want to know ...why did you lie....what made you file?
i know it was a full blown A....they lived together from last oct right until he left. do i want to ask if he loved her? Sometimes. tho the fear of the answer scares me.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I think early in piecing it probably isn't good to know too many details. The relationship is just rebuilding, emotions may be raw. It's a time for building a good friendship and starting new. I think examining the past is better at a later date when you are closer and have redeveloped some trust. And as everyone reminds me, examining details that are helpful. Not the little picky ones (how many times they had sex), but why do you think it happened? What did you get out of the relationship? Why do you think you felt so drawn to her?
And that doesn't mean you don't want to know the little picky ones like how often they had sex, was she better, etc... Those do nag at me. I think they nag at most people here and we just try to block them out.
For you just take it a day at a time and baby steps. I'm really happy to hear that your husband is home after having left for so long. Were you in divorce too?
Saffie,
I don't know why I'm so relaxed. He's at a conference so I'm sure there are lots of women he could hook up with. I may be completely stupid, but I don't think he would take a chance on that right now. I think the last one cost too much in emotional turmoil and also a huge amount of money. I think his head is in other places. He's very focused on his career and talks about early retirement and consulting. His father has melanoma that has metastasized, and my husband regularly has moles and spots removed so he thinks his life may eventually be cut short from cancer as well.
In addition, I'm still somewhat detached and feel I have a lot of GAL.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
yes we were he filed in Dec, gave me papers in dec....court in june....next court date all set up when in July he asked to come home.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Well, I sort of know what that's like. I went though it too. My husband had me served last year in March and then in August started hinting at reconciliation (I think he wanted me to ask for it, but I was hesitant!), and he called his lawyer to stop it in September when he learned we had the first court date in October.
So how are you doing? Sometimes it helps to know you are not alone in this. I've actually met quite a few people who have either stopped the divorce before it was final or eventually remarried their ex-spouses.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
we are doing good. We go to MC. he peeked out a couple times feb/march followed by a nasty retreat. may/june was reconnecting with the animals first....me last. the end of June he went to a funeral and for him that was it. He said he had been giving it alot of thought, but at the funeral he realized I was the one he wanted to grow old with. He has not wavered since.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Good to see you still around. I think you were one of the first to respond to me way back in September 06. I've been in Iraq for about 3 months now. Nothing hs changed w/ W., but I feel a whole lot better, even being in Iraq if you can imagine. I'll be home in about 9 more motnhs, and will have been away for 18 months. even if things don't work out, I will be in a much different and I suspect better place. I'm still stuck on the separated thread!
It's so nice to see your name here! Yes, I'm still here. Sometimes I fade away and get busy with other things. But I try to keep mentally grounded with my marriage and at the same time offer encouragement or ideas to others here.
I'm really glad to hear your are feeling much better. You are doing something very important and have a larger purpose than most. Stay safe friend!
Perhaps it will be much easier to start developing a tentative friendship with W when you get back.... Take care
2moro,
I'm glad your husband "woke up." Sometimes life altering experiences (like a death in the family) can wake people up. Although, sometimes it's those things that throw people into MLC too.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
