Jeannette - that book is being mentioned by several people I have come into contact with - thanks: it is clear I must read it.
I don't know if you remember, but many moons ago I did a thread on low self esteem and MLC! I totally agree with you about their low self esteeem.
I think I said my h described the OW as 'not as nice as you, not as good looking as you and not as intelligent as you' And this was the person he was leaving me for!! OMG what does this say about the poor sap!!
Yup...a must read. That book and this thread has brought so many things back to. Things I probably chose to forget. Somewhere between their low self-esteem and need for destruction they find it necessary to "bring us along".
Funny....about the OW. I happened to come across a picture of the OW. She is rather...wait, she is very unatractive and nothing at all like I would have thot he would be with. Then I realized that this is what he needed in order to "bring up" his self-esteem. I did happen to mention this to him the other day....as he had brought up "dating" each other. He said her looks have nothing to do with it. I had to say to him that I could not be the OW of the OW, as I did not like, she may not like it.
This book goes into many details of the Male depression and it brining out the feminine side of them.....and that is so very taboo amongst the Hispanic population. He has a role to play. Whether he is happy or not....
I truly see him with a different perspective now. So much that I am not sure....if given the chance, I could reconcile. But that is not at issue right this sec. But the book will sure help if it ever becomes one! Knowledge is power!
Yes, I remember those posts very well. I knew at the time he was suffering from low self esteem, but never really knew how much it would/could/and did eventually effect him.
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Which if you think about it means that we have all been conspiring against him!!! Now why in the world would we do that?
Some time ago I wrote to my MIL, she had cut us off, I wrote to her to let her know what was happening under our roof and that her grandchildren felt abandond due the fact that their dad, her son had only contacted them of 4 occasions in 9 months, I ended the letter with , this letter is not a conspiracy against your son it is a true and honest review of life in this house.
I know that H has told his story of woe to his mum and I know she chooses to believe that we are conspiring against him, but like you say, why in the world would we do that.
7/07 - My XH told me that I was exactly like OW..He told me she was his worst nightmare.
4/07 - A month before that told me I was so much better than her. She was a mental case.
9/05 - Two years before he told me I was nothing like her..She was the answer to his prayers
***He said he hates the town I live in..why he left..
This past weekend he looked to buy a house here.
***He said I was stupid and never finished anything..
5 07 He was the first one to tell me he hopes the kids are just like me as he was so proud I graduated from grad school..sent a card.
***He used to make fun of how much family meant to me and I was so stagnant
1/07 He told me that he wished he had a mother like me.
***He told me that OW was worldly and could travel the world with him.
He was the first one to apologize for her nutty behavior when she stalked me and told me she was obsessed with me..Said she wasn't too bright (hmmm do ya think?)And the fact that she uses XH's business card to pick her teeth at the table in a restaurant.
***He said he hated family dinners on Sundays at my moms
Told me two years later how much he loved them
***5/ 05 He said to me how happy he is now that he is "rid of me"
Two years later said it was the worst decision of his life and why the hell didn't we work it out
I'm exhausted just reading all those ups n down n sideways spins and loop de loops and did someone forget to fasten their seatbelt on the rollercoaster ride?
And to think your still sane....
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Hows this for a fine example of passive speak ....
In the early days of our relationship I made a grave mistake, I shrunk one of his jumpers, it ended up the size of a babies top, our 1st major fall out, of course I apologised but he convinced himself that I had done this on purpose because I didn't like it.
In the run up to the bomb H would throw all my clothes in the dryer whether they could go in or not and when I complained he said " you shrunk my jumper" was this my passive agressive H paying me back for a mistake I made 20 years ago ???
Do you think if I had took better care of that jumper I would now be in a happy loving relationship with my H.
This just came to me, a thought out of the blue, one of those funny little moments when you realise how rediculous MLC makes a person act.
