wish I could just go back and do it all over again...erasing all the bad...I try to erase it from my mind but these thoughts of deception just keep creeping in and I don't know what to do with them....making it hard for me to fully enjoy the present!
LL, Your feelings are normal and expected in your sitch. Pull out DR and read the section on Infidelity again and again! If you weren't having all these fears, and worries, then you wouldn't be normal.
Patience,Patience,Patience,Patience,Patience,Patience,Patience,Patience. It will get better but it could take years!!!!
night out was nice...went for dinner...I will say that it is very hard for me a times...things go great and I am left to sit and wonder...is this real...is it going to end? is h happy? is ow gone? or will that whole sit just re surface..
we came home early and I think we either did fall asleep on the couch or started to fall asleep...either way again it was a nice evening.
yesterday I went to the parade in boston with a friend and then back to their house for boiled dinner...
h had a nice day at home with the kids...a slight remider of what the summer was like on sundays...I was not here it was h's visiting day with the kids.
I have these creeping thoughts of continued deception and I don't know what to do with them...
as annoyed as I get with h always being in constant contact with buddie...in a sense it does relieve me...thinking that maybe he places the energy he would have spent on ow now to buddie...so..is it bad??
but it does bother me...
I at times feel guilty for going out with my friends at night..but then have to stop and remind myself that though h is "working" during the day he does manage to meet up with buddie at least once a week to go out for lunch...so then that is his time...I am at home with the kids during the day so night is my time.
I don't know what to do with all these feelings...it seems that I want to talk about them and have h help me with them but it doesn't seem to work well when I do talk...h just doesn't want to deal with it...wants to take the one day at a time...don't my actions show you..aproach.
it is hard for me...I have to keep my head from forming all the vicious scenarios of what did happen and/or what could be happening...I really wish I were naive life would be so much simpler then...to bad I grew up in the reality of the city and know how crappy even nice people can be.
I just don't want to look back when I'm fifty and realize that it has all been in vein.
Quote: Preferably watching something that makes you laugh, if you have a treadmill or some sort of exercise machine.
You got anything like that?
hey pnt, yup I do have an oliptical glider...haven't managed to set a routine with it though..maybe after dd goes to bed and h is entertaining son would be a good time to do it..maybe 3x a week...then I also have a gym membership wich I started going to and putting the kids in the gyms daycare room...then they got colds and I wouldn't bring them so now it's a matter of getting my but back there.
I know excersize is important not only because it can make ya look good but damn it just feels good too...before I had kids I used to rollerblade 12 miles a day...it was awesome...I did find a trail up here to do it over the summer but s didn't care to be in the stroller...I'll have to figure something out for this summer cause it really is something I enjoy!!!
LL, You haven't been posting as much lately, things must be getting better! Have you tried putting the kids to bed early, getting prettied up and seducing H? Or getting MIL to watch kids and getting a motel room? You might really get his head spinning!
