He's not just trying... he's getting it. An insecure adolescent looking for approval would not have said that he'd have no trouble finding your butt. He'd expect you to get angry or hurt or insulted at that, and had a lot of trouble coming up with something to say that would get past his "will I catch hell for that?" filters?
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 10/03/0701:40 AM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
But there was the part that was afraid to be myself around her and longed to be with someone that I wasn't afraid to be myself around. But that person didn't exist, so I was stuck. And since I felt like I was on the spot whenever I wasn't alone, I craved lots of time alone. There's a definite difference between these two parts, and at least one part is something we're all better off without.
Totally agree. I was trying to defend "aloneness" as a viable concept in general .... but aloneness as the only peaceful alternative to being "on the spot" in your own home sucks.
Last edited by Kettricken; 10/03/0705:39 AM.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Well, I've figured out that I am not prone to panic attacks, because if I were, I would have had one today. Then again, the day is not over. I am going to pick up my H at the airport later, and I am having lots of emotions I need to sort through.
I really, really love the alone time. With my H coming home, it means more tension, chaos and relationship work. I'm thinking about some old movie I once saw about an aging actress who was living in solitude, watching films of herself when she was young. Lil probably knows the name of the movie. That's not the alone time I mean. I need a chance to regroup and get back to myself, the kind of stuff Lil and the 2 K's were talking about. Anyway, this phrase occurred to me...radical honesty! I will tell my H that I really like the alone time, it helps me to think and grow, and if we could figure out a way for me to have more of this! Maybe he likes getting away more too. We can have a conversation about it...pretty radical stuff,lol. I guess for us, it is.
So I'm feeling better...less like my back us against a wall. And I am beginning to have a little desire to snuggle against his warm body tonite.
RJ-- do you have to have A Talk about more alone time? Can't you just start taking a little time for yourself and then increase it as needed? You don't really need permission to go in the bedroom, close the door, and read, do you?
Or were you thinking of away time... like to a retreat or something?
One of my favorite "alone" pursuits is to once in a while on the spur of the moment tell my H that I need to go the bookstore or library for a little bit and that since I need to browse I don't want to take any kids. Then I will hit the Borders, have a coffee & browse in the books for a couple of hours. I do this when I am having that "panicked" feeling of needing alone time. BTW - yes, I think radical honesty is good on this subject. My H has been more than honest with me on his need for periodic alone time. I need less than he so sometimes he forgets that I need it at all.
Maybe (on my part anyway) this is an only-child thing .... but there is a vibe to being alone with yourself and content in your own company that you just can't get with someone else knocking around,
I understand that. however, that did not seem to be the motivation for the situation Lillie described. She described, for example, that she wanted to watch foreign movies with subtitles, and she didnt usually watch it with her husband because his eyesight is too poor to read them. So, she's been depriving herself of something she enjoys, out of a misplaced consideration for her husband.
that's why I addressed it specifically "to her", rather than as a general case. There's a difference between "I want to be alone", and "I want to do X, but I feel guilty about doing it when my husband is around"
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
