I cant remember if you were the one whos H moved back in and twice?? I am trying to find out who that was? I need her advice. I was the one initially to kick h out & now hes back but regrets it want back out. I cant go thru this again & want to tell him this will be for good if he leaves again.
H did move out to an Apt - my insistence due to OW still going on..we started piecing and then he was going to come back home, broke the apt lease and the week before coming back home started it up with OW again...I and his C said he needed to stay at the apt (he could not come in and out of the kids world like that) until he figured it out.
It took him another 6 wks to say goodbye to the OW for real...
He's been home for 13 weeks and we are good at one level but we are still working on it!
I think I remember the one you are thinking about - I will see if I can find her too for you!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
The good thing for you was that your H was able to live by himself & I am sure its what helped him get his thoughts together. My H cant afford to lease an apartment on his own so he lives w/ OW. H needs time to think alone & he cant while living w/ her.
Is there a place/friend's house/week at a hotel??? That's the problem - he needs NO distractions to think it all through... they are so messed up they cannot see out of the hole...just easier to D in their minds...hang in there!
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I was just reading over you sit, and we are very similar, although h didn't move out. But we had an on going issue with ow, right up to July of this year. He just couldn't seem to shake her it was on and off for along time. We had been on a trip to disney and the day after our return h told me he had taken up with her again, and couldn't stay. I basically pointed out that he needed to grow up and stop being so selfish, and that I wouldn't stop him leaving, but he should think carefully about what he was throwing it away, and for what he was throwing it away for. And something just seemed to click, he said he wanted me and the kids, and we have been on the right track since. But I can relate to you trust issues, giving your heart to him again, I was feeling the same way, right up to our retrouvaille weekend. Since that weekend I have removed the lock from my heart and am giving it back, on the weekend you are told alot about love being a choice, as is forgivness, and I just had to make that choice and once I truly did, it seemed to make all the difference!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Well I signed us up for the 10/26 Retro. weekend here in MI - so at least it is local. I think it will just be in time - we seem to be faltering a little in the piecing efforts and I hope that weekend helps us stay on track.
H could not sleep last night - woke me up by tossing and turning - he always sleeps so I knew something was bothering him big time. I found out that my sad/afraid state during a R talk (Saturday night) with H has him doubting his committment level. Granted I had some alcohol (we had been to a beer garden for Oktoberfest)in me but I know I have been holding back my sadness and my intense fear of being hurt again not wanting to pressure him. He has been holding back on his fear of not feeling as committed as me or his being able to say ILY. So this AM we talked on the phone and decided more honesty is needed and that we both need to stop these negative thought cycles. I feel better already - he does want to do this Retro. weekend for us not just for me-- that is so good.
I need to take myself back to last OCT. where our conversations felt so forced and constrained and he would not even hold my hand (OW was in the picture & I was clueless) and appreciate where we are right now. I always need to keep a perspective going to help me appreciate ALL the positives no matter how small they may seem - they all add up.
Happy Wednesday everyone!!
My PMA is taking off and growing - yeah!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
hi everyone, Limbo I saw that you attended the Retrouville weekend. I want my H to go with me on Oct 19. Hes been having an A for the last 11 mos. at least. we were separated for 5 mos. I gave him an ultimatum on fri to move back home or it was over. he moved home fri night but now that hes back I still have so much anger that he cant seem to give ow up. I sleep with him at night but it is very awkward. the first couple of days their was affection but now I dont want to touch him. I think the only way to save our M is to go on the weekend.
The best thing I can tell you right now, is just try and lets things be for now, make sure that you guys make it to the weekend, you may find that the week before you both will be alittle tense, and its only natural, going to something that potentially can have such a big impact! But don't let it get to you. With your H being willing to go, it will work well, because you both will be open to it! You are doing so great! keep it up!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
The Retro weekend is a great thing, but both spouses have to want to be there, the other thing they insist on is that there be no 3rd party involved. So if your h is still involved then you can't really get the full benefit, as there will be someone else in the background.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
If he has moved home and wants to make it work, I would think Retrouvaille would be very helpful. He would have to say that OW is out of the picture. But the weekend will focus just on the two of you. If he wants to let her go, this would reinforce his decision a lot. Limbo is right that they say there should be no other partners, but it is your definition of what that means. I would encourage you to try to get him there. It could really be the turning point that you are looking for.
