Well, big surprise, huh. Talking rationally to H, being kind to bullying and explaining your reasoning for the trip stuff DID NOT WORK???? Shocker.....
Honey, easier said than done. But, these people are lunatic. They are trashy. They are sucking you in.
Step back, and think ONLY of the kids and what matters pertain to them between the both of you. Then, take this to the L. Through the L or court, assign specific ways you will communicate with H, and only in those ways. Ignore everything else.
I don't care how nice he becomes in the near future, and seems normal or coming out of the tunnel. He's not really. He reverts back to this and drags you down in it. He is not normal or healed.
So, now you know who you are dealing with...that's a given. How to work around it now.
Stay calm, step back, focus on only what you need to with him, and come up with a solution that allows you to communicate and interact with him ONLY on those points, and nothing else. Eliminate him from your life. Your kids are fine without parents having a 'getting along' R....right now they would be happy just to be rid of this drama. Unfortunately, it's your job now, as the sane one, to minimize it.
He has no right to do these things to you, to yank your chain, to have power over you.
