I second what Yoyo has said. We cause ourselves untold damage and heartache by assuming things. I would be just killing myself laughing that he has a sexual problem. That will make your W think that he doesn't fancy her after a while - that is a real turn off. IT MATTERS.
GISH. You are a kind and loving man. You can only control yourself. You have a son to look after.
Truly I do believe that OM will show his true colours more and more and that will finish this all off.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
ME: I'm sorry I am worried about you so much. I know you have things you need to deal with and I don't want to pry, it's just that some days you seem depressed like you're not sure what you want to do and then other days you seem like your happy with everything. It's just difficult not knowing where I fit into the big picture. And that part is my issue I need to deal with because I need to be supportive of the fact that it is your decision what you want to do and I need to let you decide what will happen.
WIFE:You think that my decision to leave was something that would make me happy, but that is not the case. Yes, some days I do question what I am doing, that is because it is just as hard on me as it is on you. I don't know what I want and that is why this will take time to figure out. I don't know where anything or anyone fits into my life at this time.
I know this is very very hard, but give her lots of space and work on you. It's all you can do for now.
Also, I can guarentee you, you don't want her back until she fully realizes that she truly wants to come back to you.
In the meantime you have to work on YOU. You have to work on being strong, independent, your happiness cannot depend on her. You need to learn to be happy within yourself with or without her. You have to recreate and rebuild yourself into the kind of guy ANY woman would be thrilled to be with. I say park yourself in a good book store, or the library a few nights a week, sign up for a class and join some social groups.... You got work mister!!!! Expect this to take time.
Stop this relationship talk with her and start focusing on YOU!!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
She was heading to the D courts when it all stopped for her, (if I remember rightly). She GALed and turned into what was an attractive proposal to her H.
It's sort of like becoming the person your W fell in love with in the beginning GISH.
I think her email exchange with you means absolutely nothing apart from she is confused. We KNOW OM is a dead loss but your W has to find that out for herself. MEANWHILE you work on you.
(((((HUGS)))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
One thing that ROOT failed to mention. You need to STOP PURSUING.
The email exchange above is a pursuit. "It's just difficult not knowing where I fit into the big picture." Wrong, wrong, wrong. You need to not care where you fit in the big picture. Because.... YOU will decide what the big picture looks like and where you fit in. Hey, it is not up to her!!
Detach and get on with your life. The more you pursue, the more she will run away.
I had a major emotional meltdown tonight after I left my wife's apartment. When I was there to see our son to bed, she was sewing a German patch the OM had given her. I didn't say anything about it while I was there and when I was leaving she said that I looked like there was something wrong. I simply told her, sometimes people just have a bad day but I was fine. I didn't tell her it was the patch, but when I got in the car, I cried hysterically like a pathetic loser. Ladies and Gents, I REALLY try my hardest and I appreciate everyone's advice but no matter how hard I try I go right back to an emotional wreck about the littlest thing like the patch he gave her.
Totally understandable. There are certain triggers that can really get to us, knock us over with grief and sadness. It can be the littliest of things. I can name 100 little things that can trigger it for me. You did an absolute fabulous job of keeping it from your W, that was amazing.
You are not a pathetic loser, you are a hurting, brokenhearted husband, trying to keep your family together.
Thanks LWB but she could tell by my expression and the way I sounded sad that something was wrong. So even though I didn't tell her it was the patch, I think I screwed up when I said sometimes you just have a bad day. I tried to hide my pain tonight but she could just tell by looking at me
It could have been SO much worse. You could have totally opened a really bad can of worms bringing up the patch. It would have gotten ugly. Instead, you just generalized it. That's all you could do.
Stop beating yourself up. You can only do your best. You know what you need to do. At least you didn't break down infront of her. She has no doubts you want her back.
Can you get more time with your son so that wife gets to feel lonely more and you have some company?
Try and arrange so that your weekend will be full. Start arranging that asap. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
