However, I am having a hard time being thankful for the reasons that these things have occurred. Did it have to be at this price that I gain these things to be thankful for?
I am up at 4:00 in the morning trying to understand why it is that I still love this woman. After all that she has done, after all of the sorrow and pain that she has caused me, and after all of the hurt that she has inflicted upon me, why is it that I still Love her?
It's almost like I am struggling to understand the emotion of it all. My mind tells me that I should hate her, but my heart just will not completely allow it. My heart tells me that no matter what, she is part of me and always will be.
This is so how I feel right now. And I really don't know how I will ever get to the point of letting him go.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
toh, you get over it by getting to a place where you realize that right now you are better off without him. You finally understand that he is incapable of having a healthy relationship/marriage today and you deserve more than he has to offer.
Sometimes I am hesitant to post things like what I posted because I do not want new people to get lost in the emotion and misinterpret my feelings as being lost or confused about my situation. It takes time, hard work, and incredible patience to get to that peaceful place. It takes unconditional love to gain the ability to let go of something that you love dearly and trust that if it is meant to be then God will bring your spouse back around and you will be together again.
With that said, it also takes faith that God may have other plans for you and there may be someone else that is meant to be in your life down the road that will make you happy and be a spouse that you deserve.
hey baby...you need to hear this loud and clear...
YOU ARE A GREAT PARENT.
We all make mistakes with out kids, we alldo things that we regret later or that makes us cringe upon reflection (good grief....how many times were you on the phone with me when I was telling my kids I was going to sell them to the gypsies?)
we make mistakes
we are human
and...the gift in making a mistake is taking the opportunity to share that with them
Hey guys...sorry I said that or did that. I get really mad too and sometimes I say things that I am sorry for later.
It makes you human
Ian...you love your kids you lov eyour kids better than anything else
Your love and willingness to put yourself out there...to branch into areas where you aren't the expert...shows them that.
you are trying that is all we can do
try and make mistakes and try not to make the same mistakes again.
You know my dark days sweetness...you were there when I questioned everything...
All we can do is our best and that is what you are doing my friend...your best...and your kids know that when it gets dicey, you are there, when they mess up, you are there, when they cry, you are there, when they rage and blame you, you are there.
You are there Ian...you are their port in the storm. Always. Without fail. You are a great dad. You are a great friend. You are teaching your kids how tobe anadult, how to be strong, how to survive under adverse circumstances, how to love fully and without fear.
You are doing fabulously...even if you question yourself, lknow that I'm not questioning you. When you catch up to my thoughts you'll see.
True sfa I know that we have no control over another person or what God has in store for us. But we do have a mind and know what we believe in.
With that how do you "realize" that you may be better off when in fact you believe with everything you have that you belong beside your S. That you were put on this earth to make a life together. That fate is what you brought you together..
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Ian, you are a terrific father and you're not alone. You got everyone on the boards, you got all these people on speed-dial and you got all your friends, just waiting to help you.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
Ian, being a parent is like so much else you've done in DBing. You have to take the long view, and not panic over every little mistake or backslide.
In the Big Picture, I honestly believe that you are everything a kid could ask for in a parent. You are caring, you are compassionate, you are thoughtful, and you are kind. You make mistakes, like we all do - but you learn from them and you really try to do better the next time.
Look at it this way - having a "perfect" parent (or worse yet, one who believed they were perfect) does zilch to prepare a kid to be an adult themselves. They are going to have plenty of struggles themselves - that's part of growing up. You can't raise them never to make mistakes, that's impossible. But you CAN show them how to honestly recognize and grow from their mistakes. THAT'S the skill that will carry them through life, happy and strong.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
HOLY CRAP you can't leave me to raise these kids by myself?
It hit me on the subway one day, not pretty.
Since then, I have accepted it.
It is what you are starting to do.
You are starting to grasp the reality of all this, and it is not fair at all, that on top of all the divorce drama, you have to keep it together enough, now parent 2 teenage girls and a 10 year old boy.
YIKES.
Today is the day you say to your self, God give me some strong's cuz I gotta do this.
It is no more, "getting by" it is now nipping things in the bud. I know it is hard, but I see already how much you are doing, and it is wonderful.
Finding a parenting plan that works for you and the babes.
Making mistakes, as Figgy said, but learning from them.
Leaning on us, or family, or someone else sometimes we you need a breather.
I will tell you I try to follow a few simple rules, with my kids.
And I have learned this the hard way, I am still learning this.
Loving parents are parents who deeply value themselves enough to not worry about being rejected by their children.
That was hardest thing for me to grasp. I thought after all this muck, that my babies have been through, I could not be the one to dish out the discipline. But I have, and for the most part it is working well.
Once, M&M realized (are still realizing) that I am willing to set solid limits on unacceptable behavior, and I will be not available to manipulation, things fall into place a little better.
I try to enforce these words to live by, with my kids. I said TRY.
honesty, integrity, caring, compassion, kindness and empathy.
Then the biggie of all biggies.
I realized that As much as I wanted to be loving parent, unless I had done my own inner work to heal(still healing still trying) all that crap inside of me, My insecurities were going to show through my parenting. I would be wanting to to get my children to perform in a way I wanted in order to define my worth. (wahoooooo thank God for therapy)
I am sorry I didn't mean to make this about me, I just wanted to tell you that , you are not alone, you never will be alone, with your friends and family.
We are here to support you, in good times and in bad.
You can always ship me the daughters and I will take them for some retail therapy, it does the soul good.
You can do this Ian, start today, take it one day at a time, and you will see the fruits of your labor.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Ian I know that feeling. But I also know you and know you're stronger than you realize. So you know you have to step up and be mom and dad, enforcer and fun guy -- but you CAN do it.
I hope it's ok - I'd like to share my happy blog with you. I think it applies to a LOT of us...
Quote:
October 7, 2007 - Sunday
6:00 PM - Goodness sakes - I need a happy blog! Current mood: content Category: Blogging
I've learned a lot this past year. I've learned that it's true - we ARE stronger than we can ever realize. We take a lot more than we give ourselves credit for .... and in the end, we WILL be ok. I've learned that I'm not a bad person. I'm actually quite happy right now. With me, and with most of my life - with a few exceptions.
I've learned that you should never put your faith in someone, or depend on someone else to make you happy. If you are happy, you can then make someone else happy, but if you're not - you can't.
I've learned that I don't have to apologize for everything and that I'm not always wrong. I am a good person and have many great friends. Thank you to those of you who have been here for me, listened to me whine, cry, question things.
I'm figuring out me and I'm happy with me.
I hope this is happier than previous. I'm in a pretty good place right now. Happy with life, my daughter, my friends, and my job(s) for the most part LOL
I've learned I'm addicted to LOL but that's ok too. That's me and "that's how I roll" --- LOL!!!
I've learned that I can get lost for two hours in DC and get myself unlost. I can be proud and not freak out or get angry when I'm touring DC and supposed to be in my hotel!
I'm a better mom now. I have more patience. I didn't like who I was becoming before......but I like me now. I'm back to being happy most days. I don't have the anger or bitterness I had for a while.
I do wonder about me.....feeling this "ok" about me, life, etc. - had I given up a long time before? Or was seeing it in my face my turning point? Do I still care about this person? I don't wish any ill will on him, but there is no way I could go back to the way things were. No way I could go back with him, try to reconcile. I'm better as me than I was when we were a "we".
So I'll close now. To those who read and have been my support system for this past year, I owe you a lot. All I have right now is a thank you from the bottom of my heart. As you know, I'm getting short changed on money LOL!!!
To those of you who I have met since last September, I'm thankful for you too. Some of you have shown me that there ARE good men in the world. For quite a while, I had my doubts. Not that I put ALL men in one category, but a majority and I'm seeing that there ARE good guys out there. So thank you for that too.
Have a great week and enjoy the wacky weather!!!!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Ian, thanks for dropping by my thread today. I see you are getting a lot of advice on a extremely important part of your life as a single dad. I too struggle with the issues of being the single parent of a daughter that was betrayed by her mother. I don't care what anyone says, girls are different and adolescent girls are really different. They need a female role model and when mom does a crappy job of it or even worse abadons that role it is h&ll on the child and us.
I don't have any words of wisdom, only words of support buddy. I know what you are going thru and to quote HS, "it sucks a bag of donkey d!cks."
Me 45 WAW 46 Married 23yrs D22 S18 D12 W moved out 1/12/07 Divorce Final 2/06/08
You're doing a fantastic job and I know that while it feels overwhelming and daunting a task, remember that you are no more responsible for your D's failures as you are her successes. You give her the best you can and she will be ok. She might flounder for a while, might not grab ahold of the lifeline right now, but you'll be there to remind her to tread water until she is in a position to use your help.
Just keep acting from the heart and all will work out. We do the best we can with what we have. And you do have a community to back you up... right here.
you'll see.
