Hi ya LL, Start to believe in time being an ally. Give yourself time for all those good things to become second nature. As that happens, the hurt, the insecurities, the anger will fade.
I know you've heard it a hundred (even maybe thousands) of times before, but patience ... patience ... patience. It the hardest trait to master, but what comes with it is one of the greatest rewards ... self-assurance.
Just a reminder, DBing works in steps, not like climbing an incline. There will be pauses in between the growth spurts so both can accept and become comfortable with the changes, before moving on to ... well ... the next piece.
JJ had an expression that makes sense... When you can admit that H is doing a great job, you have to learn to "catch him doing it right". Then you point it out and praise him... like the dog he is. Praise the good, ignore the bad (at least as much as you can). Don't 'reward' the bad by giving it more attention than it warrants, and don't allow an opportunity to praise him for getting it right.
We all focus on how it's not working, on what's wrong. We so often fail to celebrate it when thing are going the way they "should". (wait, some annoying woman is posting to my thread right now... Oops it's you. Sorry ) I think this is because we all have our expectations of how our spouse "should" behave.... when they behave in that loving, caring, happy way, we just say to ourselves "well, it's about time". When they are "bad" we nag, complain, control. They learn, just like a puppy, that they get attention for being bad, but get nothing for being good.
I'm no good at this either, I'm just learning that it does no good to complain, and I'm trying to learn how to praise. This is where real patience comes in because they will not necessarily respond to the praise for a while, but they will surely respond to the lack of criticism (or so I've learned so far...)
LL, I don't think it's relevant if your H downplays the praise you give him. In a way, that's his problem, and I'd bet it just makes him uncomfortable because of all of the previous sh!t. Right? So, I'd say keep at it.
In general, I think men (not sure about women) downplay praise because we want to appear humble (kind of like, it's never good to brag). So, when my W praises me, I also downplay it, but I still WANT it. Did I make sense?
ok so all in all things seem to be going very well even with the crappy argument (if you can call it that) the other night...
h slept in yesterday after having been out plowing til the wee hours...kids and I took off for lunch with mil and while we were gone h went to the office...left a very long message on the machine for me...i had my cell off unintentionally...
when h returned last evening he talked about his day...or rather the morning on his way home from plowing...talked about a bit of joking with buddie...made two mentions of bacon egg and cheese crossaints being his desire lately that he's stopped at dunkins getting them a lot...so looks like LL needs to buy some crossaints when she goes shopping..(sheesh and I was making sausage egg and cheese english muffins for him but he likes those too)
we stayed up and watched a movie last night and then went off to bed...it was actually fun..
there are still moments when I get uncomfortable...my mind wondering to the past...wondering if this is real or if I will soon discover I am being fooled...I'd like to think not.
I try to fight off these feelings and most of the time I can...I don't say anything about them unless h senses it and asks which on occasion he has..but I think he's also learned that it's a cheeseless tunnel most times and doesn't.
mil has volunteered to baby sit tonight so we can go out...don't know where we'll go but will be nice to get out just the two of us...going out with other couples is nice at times but honestly we have a better time when we're alone.
Oh, LL you have come so far...it's ok to be scared..who wouldn't be. Keep positive thoughts flowing to help when the negative ones creep in. You are doing great.. Sue
of times before, but patience ... patience ... patience. It the hardest trait to master, but what comes with it is one of the greatest rewards ... self-assurance. 
