h really is doing a great job even though when I say this to him he tells me great is too good a word to use.
all in all h is doing a great job of considering my need for time, help with the kids and the house, affection, attention etc...
h is doing a great job of being a h...so what then is missing??
the ability for me to express all these crappy feelings I have and have them validated or empathized with.
the take it one day at a time aproach does work with everything else...but when I am feeling insecure or hurt or angry (and so many other emotions) becuase of all that has happend I feel I cannot express it to h because when I do I am met with frustration (geez "no matter what I do it's just not enough" is h's typical stance)
I say to h after a bad r talk (not bad because of content but bad because we haven't yet learned to do it right) I have these feelings and they are mine...I guess it's not fair of me to expect you to help me with them as they are my feelings and therefore my problem...h says well it's my problem too.
I know alot of the time h says nothing because honestly what can he really say to make me feel better? so instead h either says nothing or is defensive or what he does say I take as insulting, demeaning or dis respect and there the circle begins.
I say to h that all I really want is for h to hear me tell me he's sorry I feel that way, hug me and tell me he loves me. this is the second such "argument" we've had like this...this one led to me leaving the house for a bit...finally I had to just ask for my hug and h very much obliged as if he needed it too.
we just have to figure out how to do this and do it right.
h seems to think that I want to analyze everything, I am too phsychological..to deep whatever...that offends me...I just want to have an understanding of all that has happend so as not to repeat it...h thinks I want to be in his head...
jeez what a totally typical mars venus cenario we've got going here.
at any rate something h said last night that was probably the best thing I've heard in a long time....
"I believe we can be happy together"
that's a pretty simple statement but it really does mean alot to me...cause up til now it's been...we are just different...we want different things....and all other things that don't really make me feel he believes we can do this and be happy.
so LL has some work to do on her own...dealing with her fears and insecurities...and LL has to find a way to deal with them with her h too.
