GISH - just think how mad OM will be, (if the underwear is for him), when he can't get it on!!!!!!!!!
We all have set backs. The thing is not to let your W see that. You are doing the right thing by telling us not her.
((((((HUGS)))))
We all need a good cry now and again. I don't know if you read my thread but I was in a pretty bad way early yesterday and I had been going down hill for a while. I can empathise. I still have feelings of wanting to kill myself - but I do know it's wrong now whereas before I did try it.
Hang in there and keep posting. My H had an A. The sex was rubbish in it. He recommitted to the M for other reasons but it certainly showed him that an A wasn't the answer.
Come and join us on my thread sometimes. We have a good old laugh sometimes aswell as a cry. Click on my name and come through to Saffie's Sandbox - Extension 7 (i think it is 7 now anyway). You will recognise some of the people on there.
Keep strong.
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thanks Saffie, but the simple fact he's inside her whether he completes it or not. It doesn't matter if it's one minute he's inside her or one hour, just because he doesnt finish, doesn't mean it's not intimate. I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day too. I will check out the thread. I try to stay strong and pray that she may come home before the one year separation is over. If she was still with him and wanted a divorce after a year, I honestly don't know at that point, I wouldn't be able to take that, they'd be nothing left of me at that point.
I live in NC too and i would love to confront the little girl who KNOWS she is breaking up or HELPING break up my marriage..I would love to...BUT let me tell you this..
What I have learned through my stint is this 1)If they want to come home they will period - we can't "DO" anything - it is her for now, and if it wasn't her it would be or could be somoene else 2)If you FORCE her hand you are and yes I KNOW this for a fact YOU ARE PUSHING her out 3)LET IT GO - I too want to go after the little B* that interfered with my hope this past month BUT HE and your wife HAVE TO COME TO THIS ON THEIR OWN
If we go in and try and manipulate or fix or change or confront NOTHING good comes out of it. They (our spouse) will twist it turn it and make it look like we are idiots. ALSO - if you are anything like me or any other person who has been betrayed BECAREFUL---- your rage, disgust, insecurtiy, anger, jealousy all of it can turn into something very very dangerous seriouslly...i know what I am talking about...
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
It is so unlikely it will happen. Reread over your previous thread. Take stock of what you have said. OM is NOT an option for your wife. What you need to do is make sure by looking after yourself that when she is done with OM you are an option. I suspect however OM will 'dump' your wife maybe before she is over him. He is not a nice person from the way you describe him. Your wife seems gullible as well as vulnerable. He will tire of her. I think she is too needy for him. He sounds very bad tempered and unsavoury. I cannot beleive that he can remain constant enough in temperament for your W to want to be with him.
That said you cannot control their actions and behaviour - only your own.
I KNOW how much the physical side of things between them hurts. I've been there. It IS awfull but you have to get beyond that. Stop focusing on OM and focus on you.
Did this underwear got to your place? How do you know it's arrived?
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Saffie, Maybe because I am so angry at him, that it is clouding my description of him. I really don't know if he's a nice person. Only that my wife feels compansion for him because she said he is a shell of a man because of his soon to be ex wife. My wife said his wife treated him EXTREMELY bad after he cheated on his wife years ago and didn't let him forget it. He is nice to my wife with the exception of some of the arguments they have had. She said sometimes he can be moody and a azz but she shrugs that off because of all the pressure he is under, financial strain, etc. So even though he made the comment the other day that "sometimes I don't have time for you in my head all the time" to my wife, it upset her but she almost excuses it because of the pressure and complications he is having. So I'm not sure if he would be the one to break it off
My wife said his wife treated him EXTREMELY bad after he cheated on his wife years ago and didn't let him forget it.
WTF????!!!! And what should his W have done? Patted him on the back and told him what a good boy he was. This guy is a sh!t. And your W thinks this guy is a good bet. Your wife is fcuking crazy.
Really GISH. Stop thinking about OM. Stop thinking about your W - I know that's hard. She is making her bed. Let her lie in it a while. Concentrate on you and your son. Your W will not stay with this man - he is scum.
By being strong for you and your son you are helping your W in the long run. It means you will be available to help her when she does need rescuing - that moment has not been reached yet.
If that underwear came to you destroy it and don't say you ever saw it. Things get lost in the post all the time. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Saffie, I understand what you are saying. My wife KNOWS what he did was wrong. She's already said she understands why his wife has treated him like that. She is NOT justifying it, I think she just feels his wife should have forgiven him after a point. My wife is a very giving nurturing person, and I think she is feeling compansionate and sorry for him because he's been pouring his heart out sobbing how bad he has it (which in fact he may, I don't know that for sure though.) As far as the underwear, she picked them up at our house when she got my son from bus stop. I'm not home until 8:00pm and she gets home around 4:00pm
I haven't re read it yet. Part of me wants to believe he is a bad bet and the days my wife is questioning herself, I believe it in a way but when she is upbeat about it, I feel that are getting closer together. I am pulled mentally in two different directions. Not sure now far I can be pulled before it breaks. My wife emailed me a few minutes ago and is in a great mood now compared to last night. I'm not paranoid but I know that means that must have talked today at work and made up. I can guarantee that :-( Thanks Saffie, you are keeping me somewhat sane and I appreciate your thoughtfulness
My wife emailed me a few minutes ago and is in a great mood now compared to last night. I'm not paranoid but I know that means that must have talked today at work and made up. I can guarantee that :-(
Okay GISH, I'm going to tell you the same thing that Husband had to practically beat in my head. Don't assume things, it will drive you crazy. We can only control our own actions, not theirs, so try not to let her consume you.
You are getting your act together. I'm so proud of you!
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
