There and Back, #8

[SallyM]

link to there and back #7.


neph's question from locked thread: Morgan, have you ever gone completely dark with your H? Have you ever been completely unavailable? What happened?

I actually consider myself dark right now...at least dark grey. have been for a while. I don't call him, unless there is a real, true reason for it. and even then, I try other routes first. I have to maintain a certain amount of contact because of the kids, so I do hear from him daily (he calls 2x a day for the kids, I call when he has them). when he comes to see them during the week, I leave (busy busy busy and all that).

nothing really has happened. he gets crabby on occasion because he doesn't know what I am doing (keeping personal life personal and all that). he attacked me a month or so ago...you all remember that, guess I triggered that desire button or something. but really, nothing else has changed, other than allowing me to detach a little bit.

[SallyM]

'morning all. tough one...for some reason D3 and S3 were up off and on all night. soooo tiring when they do that. and its foggy out, so having a hard time really waking up, but I will...gotta throw all 3 in the shower, that will do it. lol.

lots of things to do so I'll be busy whenever H gets here today. have plenty to keep me busy both in and out of the house, so think I'll be okay. going to keep thinking coolblueocean.

[Astimegoeson]

Good Morning Morgan,

My oldest use to get up in the middle of the night all the time when he was about that age. He use to sit up calmly in bed and hum that frikin Barney theme song over and over and over. I didn't have any Barney taps at my apartment, but my ex had them all. I think he missed them when he came over to my place.

Anyway, you sound well.

[SallyM]

awww, atgo, I'm alternating between that about your son being sweet and scary.

I am well today, thanks. for now. going to keep that holding steady.

[LL44]

atgo's son scares me a bit too. But I bet its cute in that kind of creepy sort of way.

morgan, tired here too. I drank a huge Diet Coke last night on the way home from work and yup, up up up! Then we had storms so both kids were up. Then....my D5 was up for good at 5:45am. H tried so hard to keep them quiet and help out so I could sleep. Oh and then when H leaves, I hear the garage door go up and down about 20 times. Yup, broken. Sorry for the hijack.

Hope you get through your sleepy day. H is coming tonight, right? Busy busy busy...lovingly detached....

On neph's thread, mk (so brilliant) talked about how our H's, no matter what jerks they are, just want what everyone else wants, food, love and a place to live. Let's hope that our continuous offer of this brings them home.

[SallyM]

must just be one of those nights, lwb. at least you had storms as an excuse, my kids, for the most part, had no reason to be up. blech.

very nice of your H to try to let you sleep...until the garage door fiasco, of course.

getting thru the day. did my ab tape, decided to save the gym for when H comes today. need to go to the grocery store, trying to figure out how I can get away with not going. lol. think I have enough provisions to make it thru the week so I can go on the weekend. will make some cookies with the kids today, which will make them happy and give them a treat. yes, h is coming over...maybe I should be making cookies when he is around, maybe then he'll appreciate me. not. making oatmeal raisin, so it doesn't look like I'm trying to tempt him (choc chip man). lol.

good point mk has about them all looking for what everyone else wants. fits my h to a T. and he has found it with her, he has. it sucks that he wasn't willing to try to find it here, with me, but I don't think there is anything I can do but accept that fact and move on. just hard to do, but I'll get there. I'm going to stop thinking about whether their relationship will last or will break up. it doesn't matter, really. eventually will have to deal with the kids meeting her and such, if they do stay together, and wow that will suck, but I know even that I will survive. might take a bottle of tequilla, but I'll get thru it. hopefully not something I have to think of for a while. guessing push will come to shove around the holidays, though.

ways I'm going to move myself forward:

start my mantra up again whenever thoughts of THEM creep into my mind.

get my journal going daily again.

do something/try something new.

put myself out there socially, expand my group. I've been doing pretty well with this, but find myself slipping a bit into hibernation mode.

start reading again. I've stopped for a bit, both self-help and fun reading, need to start it up again. bought several new books and going to start one tonight.

[mkultra]

I am in a negative mood but my Crystal Ball says:
It won't last.
Our H's don't want to be married to their sisters.
They feel rejected by us or accepted by OP for childish reasons.
In the long run, we are better off and everyone but us seems to see this.
They have attacked our happiness and the happiness of our children.
They will regret it but denial is an easier path than regret.


I wish I could hibernate too.

[SallyM]

mk, does it really matter if it lasts with ow or not? not having it last doesn't mean they are coming back to us, after all. I think we all focus too much on whether their relationships will last in the long run...which only serves to take the focus off of us.

they have attacked our happiness and the happiness/security of our children. but you know what, we are strong, capable, intelligent women, who can find our own new path to happiness, and can help our children find theirs. its not what we wanted for ourselves or them, but we can find the lorelai in us that will allow for us to be great. we can look at our christophers with compassion and detachment, while moving forward on our own, or maybe, just maybe, with our lukes.

and, of course, our children will go to yale, find their passion, their own successes, while still being our children and firmly entrenched in our lives. lol.

[nephartiti]

You are right Morgan. We all assume that when the R with OP crumbles, they will come back to us. However, with my H, he is just as likely to move on to the next one. I'm just going to be the best I can be. It sounds like you are doing the same. I am happy most of the time, except when I am thinking or dealing with H. Funny thing. We want the source of all our anxiety. Funny thing.

Have a great day. Yum. I love oatmeal raisin cookies. Talk about comfort food.

[Dom R]

hi morgan,

some leftover comments, from your old thread:

Dont be so sure that your husband has "found his true love", and he will be gone forever.
Personally, the $200 in roses, says to me that it will NOT last.
It sounds to me more like an overblown fantasy balloon, that will eventually pop, when the rubber gets all stretched out and tired

I wasnt suggesting that you ask him to dinner.
All I was suggesting that YOU do, is not block him out, if he wishes to see you, for whatever excuse, on your anniversary day.

I know that it is horribly difficult.
BELIEVE ME, I know!
I wont go into details, but I know that keeping your heart open to stab-wounds, when your spouse is involved in a romance with someone else, seems to be the height of insanity.

Sometimes, though, it can be what lets them know that it is okay to come back. And just how much you love them.

Pushing yourself on them, is pressure. But sometimes, showing that you are open, can be seen as love.

Sometimes.
There's definately a line past which, you are seen as a doormat.
But I think that your anniversary would be a special exception to that.

If you turn him down on your anniversary... to me, that might say that you wish to disassociate yourself with your marriage, and do not want anything more to do with it.