How do you decide when to see an attorney? Things seem to be going okay now with the ups and downs but I can tell she's hiding something I don't know what. I don't want to go now and seem eager to start the ball rolling but I also don't want to get steamrolled. How do you know when the right time is to check out lawyers? Or do you wait until they say they want a D?
Any advice or just maybe some guidelines. Wife seems to be very mysterious I don't want to outright ask cuz I don't want to seem eager. Maybe if you all just say what made you decide to seek one...
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Well, if you want to know what you could be up against there really is no harm in talking to one. Consulting doesn't mean your have to hire and move forward with the divorce. It just means you will know more about what you can do to protect yourself if it comes down to it.
Now, do you know for sure that she is hiding something or is this an assumption or even a gut feeling?
Well, if you want to know what you could be up against there really is no harm in talking to one.
Bullsh!t
There is much harm. You are focusing on something, you experience it, you understand it, you convince yourself it's not that bad and you get comfortable with it.
Once in the lions den, they will groom you and give you reasons. They shysters want you money and not your M to survive. You'll walk out of there with a loaded gun.
Lester, if you want to know your rights...use the internet buddy, that's what it's for and finding you here indicates that you can use it.
Only go to a lawyer when you are threatened legally.
The internet is not the answer to everything. I know a pro marriage family lawyer actually. She will tell you to seek every angle before pursuing the road of divorce. She has certain stipulations before she will even walk that road with you.
They are not all "shyters" as you put it, SuitedUp. I see what you are getting at and I think lester is smart enough to know the difference.
Well to me there's some advantages of consultation. It prevents her from using those lawyers I see. I'm not committed to D, I just see no movement in my M. I'm not mad or upset just tired and if a little knowledge will help me feel I have some power no matter how illusory then so be it. If I can't take it anymore I'd ask for a praecipe summons like Michelle suggested. DBing only seems to act as enabler for her and so maybe it would wake her up maybe not but at least I won't be stuck in nowheresville.
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Lester is absolutely right. It is a strategic move to consult with attys that you do not want your W to hire and represent her. Every city has the gun-slinger atty that utilizes the scorched earth policy. I certainly would not want to deal with that sort of atty. Most attys I know like to see reconciliation or at least amicable divorces. However, it is certainly en vogue to demonize attys, that is, until you actually need one. The internet certainly has useful info but I have seen internet sites that claim to have a product that will make you lose 10 lbs in a week without diet or exercise. BTW, I'm an atty.
The attorney I consulted is by no means a shyster and would actually like to see us stay together.
As to the original question about when to consult, in my case it was seeing emails and photos of her with OM on top of phone records with another OM. This is not what I want to do, but her behavior really leaves me no choice.
Do you have evidence? Has she asked for the D and/or moved out?
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
Listen to dazed. The earlier you consult an Atty the better. Yes there are shysters out there but there are many good attys too. Do your homework. I found one.
But I waited too late and screwed myself. Did things I thought were okay but were not. You get caught up in the emotions and doing things "for her". That mindset makes good decisions all but impossible. A good lawyer will help you focus and to be objective.
And remember their job is not to be a MC. They are there to protect you and your rights. What they tell you may seem cold but divorce is an ugly business and you need the smarts to survive it.
Yes the Internet is useful but you will find that it is not only the state laws that count (I found lots on Alabama on the net) but the county and even the city you live in. And finally the judges you may face. This is not clear cut. Only the local lawyers will be able to tell you what your odds are, and what your rights are, given the county you live in and the judge you may face.
Last point: get a lawyer that specializes in this sort of thing.
---- dazed - where abouts in AL? I am in Huntsville.
Jeff, I am down here in Mobile. Sucks to have to be on this site, but it has proven extremely helpful to me. Glad to see I am not the first to go through this and other people's stories help me in dealing with my own situation, as confusing as it is. See my posts under 'separated - now what?' for a complete recap.
I saw a lawyer about 8 months after my X and I separated in Oct of 2003. I had been telling him that he would have to file.
I went to my L basically to see what my options were, what I might be up against. I wanted to make sure that I was doing the right thing for myself by not filing. There was absolute no pressure whatsoever to go ahead and file from the L.
I agree with Trip in that it will do no harm to consult an attorney.
Mary
"God, help me keep my head up, my heart open, and know I'll always be guided along the path."
