please keep reminding me of this. I do an awful lot of self distruction when I let my thoughts take me away.
Quote: Does H read your posts?
once on accident during our seperation he read a couple of pages of some not nice things...but now doesn't read even when I invite him to.
Quote: Have you asked him to read DR, especially the "Infidelity" section?
the night h sat and cried man tears (you know when you don't really cry but could) saying he was in hell and didn't know what to do but wanted to try...I had a c appointment...let him know he was ok and not alone...left him with the infidelity section of dr...came home from my appointment to find he had read the section and started reading the book from the begining...said he wanted to read the whole book...but never did.
Quote: If H is home every night, it seems to me like he is trying.
h is home every night..unless it snows or he goes out with buddie (not often) or we have a bad fight...then he stays at his apartment but that is not all that often.
and yes h is trying...there is just something missing..maybe it's me...maybe it's him...who knows at this point maybe it's both of us holding back for saftey sake...
Quote: I feel much better when W is here, even if it's in another bedroom,
I understand that fully. over the summer (during seperation) the occasional night that h would fall asleep on the couch or in sons bed while I was out where the only nights I actually got to bed at a decent hour.
Quote: You are right on track.
some days I believe that...
Quote: You need to focus on H & R and not the OW, forget about it, and you'll feel much better!
it's hard for me to not think of ow and most of the time I do not...I think of her when h seems unhappy...I know he misses her...I know how he thinks he feels for her...trouble is he doesn't realize that what they had was a un tainted friendship...once things (emotions) get involved that care free fun ends or is harder to maintain..awkward moments set in...the freedom to say and do whatever with no reprocussions or judgements changes...that must have started to happen when they talked of changning their r from a "friendship" to more than a friendship...but it ended before h could understand the truth...but then maybe he does...I don't know.
Quote: Maybe you should spend less time on the computer, and more on R!
ok listen...I am home all day...I check in or vent at times instead of picking up the phone.
at night I only come to the puter if h is falling asleep or distant...tonight he is falling asleep so here I am.
and I don't think it's me who needs to spend more time on the r it is h who needs to spend more time on the r so we can spend more time enjoying it.
LL who's been on a soap box today.
btw today is the anniversary of the day we met (never actually asked me to be his girlfriend just sorta happend so this was the day we always celebrated til we got married and then that day took over)
in the past it was always h who reminded me of the day (well after we married anyway) tonight I said to h...hey what's today...h says the 11th...what's today h then says to me...mind you he's falling asleep...h says I know what today is do you...I said I wouldn't have asked...I said it was a day that changed my life forever....(paused then thought better not leave it that way) and said...for the better...h replied...mine too...awwwww shucks a witty bitty tear in my eye I wanted to hug him...but didn't want to be rejected so didn't. (ah I see there...I'm holding back and yet I expect h not to??? gee how will this work??)
LL who's been on a soap box today.
