Get me on a smoother ride....need advice - part 3

[SueS]

TAL-

Thanks so much for stopping back. That's so sweet. I really appreciate it.

I'll be anxious to hear how everything went.

SueS

[SallyM]

lwb has a good point...they have to live with the guilt, right? and no snooping, like you said. snooping is good to get the initial info, but after that, I swear its just shooting yourself in the ass over and over and over. It always just seems to backfire. but oh so hard to give up (trust me, I still slip once in a very blue moon).

give your D a big hug and try to forget about rotten H's for a while.

[SueS]

lwb & morgan....thank you!

I'm trying very, very hard to remember that my H is going through the same, if not worse of a roller coaster ride as I am. It's tough though. It's hard to remember that that they're riding it too or have guilt & self-loathing when they continue any type of contact with OW.

Yesterday was just a downer. I hate those days. I'd mentioned that I'd talked to H very briefly in the afternoon and he was very moody. I let D3 call him at work before she went to bed. They talked for a while. I kept hearing him ask about everything that we'd been doing through the night, but he didn't ask to talk to me. He just hung up when he was done. He got home a little later than normal, ate something & then went to work out. He was very loud.....sniffing a lot & not being quiet about changing his clothes, opening closets....etc. I woke up and asked if he was okay. He just snapped at me and said, yes.

Today is Bike Day at school for D3. I told H that her bike was in the van and that he could take that again today. He barely looked up and said.....it's going to rain, she doesn't need it. That made me mad. I told him that she'd be very upset if she was the only one without her bike. Again, he said....it's going to rain. I told him that he could stop by my office and pick it up before he drops her off. Again....he said no. I finally said...okay, then I'll just take it down there for her myself. You know........be pissy with me. It doesn't make me happy, but I'll take it all if it means she doesn't have to take any of it. Don't pull this bullsh*t with your D3. It's just not fair to her.

I grabbed my stuff, said I'll see you later & left. I'm angry again this morning. He was in such a good mood the other day and now he's angry and won't talk at all! Damn it!

Well, I'm off to get some work done. Really easy in the mood I'm in. I am doing an project/audit outside the office this afternoon, so at least my mind won't be on things then. Something to look forward to.

Have a great day!

lwb.......dont' lock my thread!!

SueS

[LL44]

Hey, its the threadlocker here, so watch out.

I totally know what you mean about them being short with/about the kids. H rarely does it, but when he does, I can see the shock/hurt in their faces. I try not to give H the 'look', like 'let up', but darnit, they don't deserve that. They are just going about their happy innocent lives.

Try to calm a little at work and I bet tonight will be different. I don't like the moody days either. Its so hard to not let their moods affect us.

[fightingirish]

sues,

I know how you feel, you never know what the he$$ their mood is going to be from day to day. Its really fustrating.

My H is very much like that. We just have to roll with it and not let it effect us. I have too much on my plate right now, other stuff going on so I don't have time for my H attitude issues!!

Just act ""as if" and distance yourself from him when he acts like that, at least that's what I do.

Take care hun.

tal

[SallyM]

yep, that would have irritated me, too, but trying to do the 180s with him...just act as if and all that. NOT easy.

[Yoyowife]

Remember Sue, just keep saying to yourself over and over, "I can only control myself". Then when everyone is gone scream!!!!

Believe me I would have been so mad too, but you did well rolling with the punches.

[SueS]

D3 had on a sweatshirt yesterday when I picked her up. She was really sweaty. It was rainy outside, but they had been running around in their play area inside & she was warm. I told her not to wear a sweatshirt anymore. She told me that she picked it out to wear.

Ooopppss.....Turns out H put it on her. I HAD TO call home this morning for something re: D3. H answered very pissed.....WHAT? I just calmly asked what D3 was up to. Nothing, just sitting here....why? I again, calmly asked him not to let her wear a sweatshirt again today. He said.....I put that on her yesterday. I said, okay...I'm sorry, she told me she picked it out. Not a big deal, but she was super sweaty when I picked her up. He just said okay. I said okay and good-bye and he hung up.

I'm tempted to take D3's bike there early, so as not to see them. It's possible I might miss them anyway, but H is SOOOO angry right now. I don't know what's going on. Even after the confrontations and in the past month, he hasn't been this angry.

SueS

[SallyM]

sue, honestly I'd back off. really, I would. you are starting to nag...at least that is how it is coming across here. have a feeling this is going to come across poorly.

hope you aren't mad, this is just how its reading to me. take a breath, step back, be that lighthouse. ((HUGS))

[Yoyowife]

Sue,
Morgan is right. Don't let him know how much things bother you. They are so overly sensitive at this time and will look for any reason to see us as a bi@#h at this time. Don't give him the oppurtunity.

Just do what you think you need to do for daughter. Maybe you could start laying her clothes out a week ahead of time and make it just seem like you are trying to get more organized. I've seen those little hanging things that have sections in them. You could put the clothes in there. I know that I never trusted my H to pick out clothes for my girls when they were little. When he did they always looked like orphans, LOL.

Yoyo