What my wife is not seeing is the guy she married. I lost him. He went away. Life took it's toll. I am searching for him. He is right there. He just won't step up right now. He's hurt. He's distant. He has NFC disease. He made a big step tonight. Hopefully when he comes back my wife will be ready.
I dont doubt for one second that you WILL find him. I hope when he does come back his wife is ready for him too!!!
M: 34 H: 32 M: almost 6 years S: 2 yrs D: 4 yrs Together: 8 Known him: 15 years I walked away: April 1st Wanted back: May 1st!!!!!
You have a clue. Use the new tools!! Show him he can't live without you. You see it. I don't have to say it. Listen, Listen, Listen to what you feel. If you can put 1/4 the effort into what has gone on here. Where will you be 30 days from now? I will say it if no one else will.. At "Home".
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Listen, Listen, Listen to what you feel. If you can put 1/4 the effort into what has gone on here. Where will you be 30 days from now? I will say it if no one else will.. At "Home".
Ok i think you are talking to me but I am not 100% sure but if you are, you certainly have a lot more confidence in my situation than I do.
I wish I could explain my H to you.. He would be freinds and kind to anyone. Sometimes I think he is just being KIND to me. That would be his style...not ot mislead me but to just be kind.
M: 34 H: 32 M: almost 6 years S: 2 yrs D: 4 yrs Together: 8 Known him: 15 years I walked away: April 1st Wanted back: May 1st!!!!!
I have told you I dont NEED anyone and any ol someone certainly will not do. I am fine on my own. The things I want and the things I NEED are two totally different things. I NEED me to take care of me. I WANT my family back.
I ma doing things differently. i am going to take your advice about the new tools. New tool?....Listening instead of talking. I listened to him talk tonite about his new tv and surround system forever but it was ok because it was us talking.
M: 34 H: 32 M: almost 6 years S: 2 yrs D: 4 yrs Together: 8 Known him: 15 years I walked away: April 1st Wanted back: May 1st!!!!!
Ok so to add into my book here. The things I have changed. I have become active in my life again. I have connected with my kids. I have started paying attention to what my wife is really asking for. I have gotten closer with my Mom and Dad. I have done things for my wife. They were recieved fairly well. Was I expecting more? Sometimes I think so. The reason I say this is because as I was doing these things they were coming from the heart. In doin them I wasnt really looking for a reaction I expected to get the please stop I am not into it. What I got was that she did not trust it. It was fake. It was a desperate attempt to win her back and she was not ready for that. So what I am stuck in is what I like to call Limbo Land. I am not sure what to do. If I continue doing things with that kind of response I will eventually become resentful or loose my desire to do it. Here is the kicker. I was a distant husband so in detaching from the situation that is sometimes percieved by her as distancing. Its hard to find a blend of both. I have told her what I want. She knows. She told me the other day that she thought if we stayed in the same house that things would get better and we could move on. There is no question in her mind about what I want for us. Right now I am just being quiet. Trying to decide what to do next. I have a drama free life most of the time but it seems to follow her everywhere. At times I think that us seperating would be a good thing. The other part of me knows that will close the door for me. In my heart I know I should just keep putting myself out there. I know I should be showing lasting changes. I just dont want to build a wall. So I am being cautious. I am trying to get in sync.. Remember my needs have not been met for a while also. But in posting here I became a leader. I just have to get the emotion out of my system. I am pushing for happy go lucky to come back. There is some light I am just not there yet. Right now and for about 2 weeks I have had NFC disease.. She does not know what she wants I have heard that about 10 million times. I have left it in her hands right now. She has free will. She has to want to be with me. Sometimes I know she does. It just seems I cant get the timing right.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Limbo land is a hard place to be, I am there myself. It is also hard putting yourself out there and getting no reception...been there done that also! Good for you though...you are being more in tune with your kids, way awesome...hopefully, if she has any eyes at all she sees that. Are either of you in counseling, or has that issue been brought up? Counseling may help you just by giving you somewhere else to vent. I agree the fine line between detaching and distancing is the toughest....keep up your PMA...you can only control you in all of this! christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
