i lasted 15 months with not knowing where my marriage would end up. i taught myself to have patience. but i also taught myself to not cling on. i needed my time to think about what I wanted in life.
did i want to hang on to someone that didn't love me? no, therefore, i started to look the other way. i didn't date men but i didn't stop having male friends. i told them straight out i didn't want a relationship whatsoever. i wanted a friend, that's all. some didn't stick around but there were a couple that understood my situation with my "separation".
did i want to depend on him financially again? no, therefore, i started my own business.
did i want to go through this fiasco again? definitely no. before he moved back home i wanted to make sure that we were both on the right page. i told him i wanted to take things s.l.o.w. i knew it would take time but i didn't want to confuse the kids. i told him i didn't want to depend on him financially, so my money is mine and vice versa but we both have to split the responsibilities. he agreed. i wanted to know if he was moving back home because of the kids....he said "no, i want to try to work things out with you".
i know so much about myself now. i know i can handle just about anything on my own. i was miserable without his friendship and his love. so much time apart....i cried so much and i hated him at the same time. i went through so much therapy it's not even funny.
thing is...how can i truly trust him? what if he goes through this "looney" phase again? my kids would be devastated again. i don't think I could go through with it ever again. i got so sick the first couple of months of the separation and i was on heavy medication. NEVER AGAIN!!!
mariS, there is only so much a woman can take. no one can tell you what to feel or what to do with your marriage. only YOU can make that decision. my opinion shouldn't matter. you're the one that is going through the heartache. what i see right now is not going to sound too positive to you. i see that your H is having the best of both worlds. he's depending on you financially, sexually, and to be there when he needs to shell out some anger. whenever the OW doesn't give it to him he comes to you, whether you want to or not (he knows you want him back). i think you made a very good decision on giving him an ultimatum. OW or his family!
i've read your happy journaling and i've read your devastating ones too. it is a rollercoaster ride. only YOU can put a stop to this. he may never come out of this shell. you don't depend on him financially, spiritually, or emotionally. you are on your own. do you honestly want this for the rest of YOUR life? the love of your life may be out there looking for someone as special as you. no matter if you have children. that person may be THE love you've always been looking for. but how will you know... you're still wanting this man that is be-littling you all the time? the way i knew that i was going to be ok with or without my H was to say "bring me the divorce papers and i'll sign tomorrow. i'm through with you. i won't allow you to walk all over me. i can make it on my own with three kids. i want to move on with my life".......
i was serious. i wanted to just move on. i wanted to stop daydreaming about the man i married to come back home. i needed a man in my life, not a 35 yr old baby. well, that's all it took. he took me seriously and day by day he started to come around. he went on a trip to NY and came back a changed man. no more talks about divorce. now he wanted to reconcile. he wanted to give it a chance. it was unbelievable. too good to be true actually. i still have my guard up. i know what i went through and i can't forget the pain. love is patient.........
like i said. my opinion should not matter. by telling him to bring you the divorce papers doesn't mean he won't do it. do whatever your intuition tells you to do. if you want him to stop seeing OW, then change the locks. he'll know you mean business.
know that deep in my heart i know the heartache you're going through. by no means do i want your marriage to end. i will pray that you make the right decision, for your sake and your child's.
please take care of YOU.
me = 34 H = 35 kids = 3 worst day of my life: march 24, 2006 he filed: april 20 Present day: Wedding ring on, he's looking forward to another baby, taking day by day, we talk about our feelings whenever possible.
