learn this...when a was says they are confused...let them ease their way back to you...it may be hard but don't have them come home until they are ready..
I am dealing with a man who still doesn't know what he wants..for some reason thinks we have different desires and yet can't tell me what his desires are.
says that his r with ow was a good friendship..they could laugh and talk...want to talk and want to listen.
h doesn't laugh often with me...doesn't talk often with me and doesn't want to listen to me..
h doesn't know what to do...and yet does nothing...
h is here because he loves his kids...and yet wont do what it takes to make that fun r with their mother for them.
h seems content to just be misserable...
I don't see h wanting to do anything different...it seems to me as if h's going to c to get permission to leave me...
I have told h there will come a point when I too don't have the desire to work on this r...
that if things don't change that some things may happen..
LL will go out and have fun enjoying her life...LL is too young to sit at home watching cnn everynight.
the danger in that is...someone will see LL for the fun person she is...they will pay her some attention and well then you can guess how that story goes...
or LL just gets so fed up with the status quo that h is one day faced with papers he didn't know where comming.
h doesn't know how he would feel about that.
h needs a reality check...
I need a rality check..
why am I doing this anyway???
someone please remind me???
h came home...mostly for his son...that I knew long ago...part of him wanted to be with me too...
I should not have let h come home...should not have given him the chance to try...before he was really ready too...it just seemed that he was...I should have known better...I should have realized it when he said.."I have to sacrifice my own needs for my family" ya as if that doesn't say it all..he's doing the "right" thing...yes sometimes it's fun but most of the time..he's just going with the flow..
what a crappy life for LL and her kids.
I want a new life...I want to rip off this old skin and run down the street naked (oh no it's too cold out there) I want to scream and yell and break things. I want to do something...but mostly what I want to do is have a friend and be a friend....but that seems impossible with the man I so foolishly chose to marry.
I know h is a fun person.. I know h is a caring person.. I know h is a spontaneous person I know h is alive... I know h wants to live life I know h wants to experience things I know h wants to laugh I know h wants to share..
but for some reason beyond me...h doesn't want to do these things with me.
and could someone tell me why this man chooses to go to sleep in my bed after saying such things to me??? is he not daft??
I so want to run away...to hell with walk a way wife syndrome....I want to run run run and keep running the only thing keeping me in this house are my two beautiful children whom I feel so sad for...why oh why did I bring them into this mess. if I could pick them up and run away and never come back I would. I am so tired of being a misserable depressed lonely woman....all I want is a friend...so many others want to be my friend...why has h never wanted to be my friend.
I have to go cry now...and I don't even want to go to sleep as h is in MY bed...think I'll sleep on the couch..he wont care anyway.
