You are right. Our marriage is over and can't survive right now. I feel that with time, things could be different and our life together is a lot to walk away from without turning over every stone."
I'm pretty sure I've said something almost exactly like that. Right now I feel like if I do the "things could be different in time" thing he'll just hear that as nagging, and more proof that I'm completely deluded.
Okay, on to the next question (though I'm still anxious to hear from you all about the two quotes I drafted above): H wants to know what I think, what I want given the current reality.
Re what I think: I don't think anything I can tell H about what I think will be productive in the least. My thoughts run along these lines:
1) You believe love and connection fall out of the sky; I believe they are achieved through behavior and intention.
2) You think the kids will be fine depending on how we respond, mostly how *I* respond. I believe the kids will be fine, but not as fine as they would be if they had two parents committed to being happy together.
3) You believe the conclusion you've reached isn't a choice, but rather a revelation of what you must do to have the possibility of being happy; I disagree.
I think these are the big ones, and then there's how I feel, which includes hurt that this connection H is looking for---even its mere possibility---eclipses everything we have; hurt that he seems to downplay the effect of his decision on my life, which is tectonic. Then there's the anger I expressed to him, and the extreme disappointment and downright contempt I feel for him sometimes (as yet unmentioned).
But maybe he doesn't mean he wants to know what I think about the sitch. I don't know (much anymore).
Re what I want: what the hell can I possibly say? That sounds like lawyer stuff. But I think what I want right now is for H to stay in the house as long as he's able to abide by my "restrictions," as he calls them, of keeping women and contact with women out of the family home. (By the way, the other night he said I was asking him to live a double life regarding those.) Maybe just say I want to him to stay as long as he wants to?
I want him to see the kids as often as he wants to, and when he moves out to take them on the occasional weekend (or perhaps every other weekend, or something).
I want him to support us financially forever. Seriously, I really do. Probably not the smartest thing to say, though.
Okay, so there are all the questions. Help please. All feedback welcome.
