You want what you want, and nothing on Earth can make you stop wanting it, and if you can't get it, then what? Well, then you find something else to go after that you can get and stay busy and happy with that for a while. Not as an escape, though... you'll end up spending all your time on one fleeting, self-destructive distraction after another to stop yourself from thinking about what you're escaping. Just some kind of quiet acceptance and a willingness to stay awake and really know what you're missing and still able to savor the happiness that comes from other things. Now how badly can you miss something without being tempted to evade the feeling of loss that comes with not getting it? And how do you do that in the first place, given that "stuffing" that feeling is right out?
It's a lot easier if you stay out of the trap of assuming that the loss says something about who you are. The loss might say something about what you did, or it might not, but who you are is a much tricker and elusive thing. (That's my way of saying that I still haven't quite figured it out)
Detachment doesn't take away your feeling of loss. It just takes away the assumption that some other person, or the ruler of the Universe, has judged you and found you to be a worthless person and has done this to you because your very presence angers or annoys or disgusts them and they did whatever they did out of spite and they'll keep doing it as long as you inflict your worthless presence on them.
Now in some cases, detachment is simple. (which is not the same thing as easy, mind you). For instance, the woman who gave birth to me had sent me away. More recently, she refused contact. She did this knowing absolutely nothing about me, aside from my race, sex, and birthdate. She could not have done this because of any shortcoming of mine, because she has no way of knowing any of them... she hasn't even so much as seen my picture, heard my voice, or read anything I've written. So how do I feel about her rejection?
I hate it. It hurts. But it proves nothing about me, and it would be entirely unreasonable to be ashamed, lose confidence in myself, or avoid thinking about the fact that the woman who gave birth to me wants nothing to do with me. She did it entirely for reasons of her own, in complete ignorance of Who I Am, and if she did give away any other children, she would almost certainly reacted the same way to them if they ever try to establish contact.
Now my spouse knows a lot more about Who I Am. And there are doubtless aspects of who I am and what I do that she'd rather not deal with. But on the other hand, she does and says a lot of things for reasons of her own, not in reaction to me. And I spend a lot of time doing and saying things that are motivated by reasons other than my wife's attributes. So there's no guarantees, but assuming that all of her anger, disappointment, and annoyance is brought about by Who I Am is certainly out of touch with reality.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
