what is the ow thinking??

[runningoutoftime]

>>does the guilt and self-loathing actually keep them with the op instead of driving them apart?<<

Yes, I believe the book "Not 'Just Friends'" happens to mention this. I like this book a lot because it's research based. I do think at some point, in most cases, they eventually do have disdain for the OP.

I understand your husband wants to be the knight in shining armor.... is there any way you can join with him in trying to find some help for OW (which would help keep communication between you and H open). She's obviously weak and desperately needs some support. Maybe you could find some local organizations for her to join like Divorce Care or some singles church groups?