Yes, I am Back

[CabanaBoy]

The X emailed me and said that she is stressed with work and kids, asked if I could help watch the girls with my XMIL while she goes out of town next week. I said sure because I want to make sure the girls are with a parent as much as possible, not tossed from one relative to another.

While doing homework, my girls told me that mommy doesn't help them because she is too busy. They have a homework sheet that has assignements each day of the week. I try to knock as much out as possible, remember I have a 5 and a 7 year old, they need help with their assignments.

I brought it up with X in a way that was positive. She asked if I could be in charge with homework because she was too busy. I said sure because I want my youngest to learn good homework skills, make it fun to do not a chore. So far with my girls, they love to do homeowrk.

I have returned to my old self letting stuff roll off my back, but I have to wonder if I'm just a convienance for X? I love to do anything with my girls and for my girls. If I don't help out with the X to cover for her, the girls suffer. They are schlepped from place to place, they become too tired to do homework,etc.

This just reminds me way too much like our M, walking on eggshells to keep the peace and make sure the girls are OK. I am not looking for anything in return, these are my girls and I love spending time with them, doing homework, cooking dinner, bath time,etc. I am just wondering if I'm on the road to being the sucker again? If I am just a doormat, so to say.

One of my problems throughout this 4 years has been my lack of defending my boundaries and then after a while, so much is built up that I'd lash out. So, I'm trying to change all this. For the most part, I am happy being the responsible one who takes care of the girls, while X does whatever she does. I just don't want to be used over and over, the girls need a mother. I had to scrammble today because X forgot to tell sitter to pick up the girls today. I played it cool and simply said I take care of the girls, pick them up, feed them, get them some exercise, do homework, bath them and tell them when they cry for mommy that there is a good reason why mommy isn't answering the phone calls we've made to say goodnight. I just feel like my girls are being robbed of a decent childhood.

It seems from me, to my XMIL, my parents and relatives, the X is plopping our girls where ever she can. It is sad and I thought the X was over this kind of treatment of the girls. She moved to a new townhome, closer to work so that she could spend more time with the girls. It hasn't changed a thing, it just makes it closer for me to get to their home.

Speaking of home OT, here is another tidbit for you. Over the summer, the X was looking for a new home to move into, closer to her work in DC. I was out jogging one day and saw that the closest home to my condo (which was 100yds away) was up for rent. It had a huge yard and home, the rent was $2,500 a month. The home was nice but old and was right on a 4 lane highway, not a home for kids. I simply filed it away in my head, something I noticed. Well, X was looking for homes to buy in the area, I mentioned that you couldn't buy a home in her part of town or mine for un $800k. She said she could find something.

She tells me one day that she put a deposit on the home that was for rent just 100yds away. I thought that was weird, but I quickly thought how deadly it might be that the girls would border a 4 lane highway and the path next to the house is heavily used day and night. Weird was the fact that she wanted to move so close. Hello? 100yds away? Do you see how I feel that I am constantly used by the X, she uses the kids and I just do whatever she needs for them.

X went as far as to tell my mom one day that she wanted to move next to me so that she and the girls could be close to me. My mom was stunned, mom is used to this kinda crazy behavior but this took the cake. Eventually, the homeowner rented to a group of young men who have turned it into a post college party house. Craziness avoided..........for the time being.

I am going to do a Costanza, you know, from Seinfeld? I am going to do opposite of what I used to do. After writing above, my take on all this is................I don't care if I'm used, all I know is that my girls will have the best I have to offer. I'd walk through hell for them, being a doormat isn't too bad.

I have the heart, the will and the shoulders to be Mother, Father and best friend to my girls. I also coach each of their soccer teams, take them camping, horse back riding, gymnastics, fishing, skiing, church, CCD,etc. I love the time with my girls and I'll just have the R I've always wanted with them.

REMEMBER, I am simply writing here to express my thoughts, ask for input and think about things. Most of the time I finish writing and see exactly what is going on, I have to sit back and view it all from the sidelines. I could care less what the X thinks, it is about what I think and my girls. I simply don't have the time, energy or want to guess what X is up to.