Awww Cac, It is actually a good thing that I took it the way I did and stood up for myself. It has taken a long time for me to get here in the face of my sexual history. I did not consider myself sexually attractive for years.
Dom,
This was an excellent post and again you are an optimist. I can directly request, confront and etc... and as Schnarch would tell you I may still not get it - he calls it "normal marital sadism" and I don't think we understand enough about marriage to accept the reality that many of our spouses know exactly what we need or want and they purposely don't provide it - it can be a conscious or unconscious rebellion but all the same - they still don't provide it or even attempt to. HP's husband is a perfect example - he knew what she wanted and still he went about not providing it. My H knows too and yet........ What is the worst that will happen if I get more direct and confrontational? Well, then we will be unhappy AND won't be having sex. KWIM?? We will stop being civil, otherwise engaged, happy with one another as parents and instead be in a veiled or not so veiled war about sex which will spill over into the functional areas and make us not functional anywhere. As much as it sucks not to be having sex - that sucks worse!
Having said that - I did buy a copy of Radical Honesty and a copy of Boundaries in Marriage. We'll see if I can screw up my courage by doing some bibliotherapy. Baby is sick and I haven't slept in two days. I am awfully exhausted and H has a dinner meeting tonight. Welcome to the nightmare that is my life.
