Since I spent lunch taking care of necessary car repairs, I opted to walk to/from the tire shop and my job. While I could have gotten a ride from a coworker--and I've been genuinely making an effort to learn to accept help more often--I also just really wanted to walk. Now that it's not 115 outside anymore ( ;\) ), I want to spend more time walking/biking to closer destinations. And, I got in some exercise.

Yesterday xh was in a lousy mood. Really weird, distant, nit-picking. I assume it was because of his conversation with JD. He also did mention he started feeling really 'off' while we were in Ikea Sunday with D...he said it was all the couples. So, who really knows. I know it wasn't because of something I did. I asked. I asked if he wanted to talk, or if I could help. His non-reply told me to just leave him alone, let it go, and if he wanted to talk, he would. So I made a conscious effort not to get pissy myself, and to just continue on with my day and not take his moodiness so personally.

He did seem to be in a much better mood last night.

And, he's actually been wanting to cuddle more. It's been a very, very long time since I've been held. I'm a very touch-oriented person, and had such a hard time during my (very needy) pregnancy. In a way it makes me angry...why now? I'm sure the answer is I'm not as needy. (ATM, the baby is fulfilling a lot of my need to cuddle. He is such a cuddly little boy.)

But, come on, pregnant women are hormonal and crazy and needy... I know I should let it go. He's apologized. It just really hurts and makes me angry that he's more available now when I actually need him less. And I'm sure that's why. I had a FF point out to me months back that I was always the more 'stable' of the two of us, so when I was cracking and needed propped up...his 'sanity' left him, too. sigh Unfortunately, I can't be the stable one all the time! I need to fall apart too, sometimes. I know, rambling, and lots of assumptions. Mostly just stream-of-thought to clear my head...

Oh, and other random things. I think it was Saturday, when he leaned over on me and said something cryptic about wanting to tell me 'something,' but afraid of my reaction. He has this history of, well, lying to me, which makes me very leery. So I commented that if it was in the last year, he's been single...even legally... His response was it was 'the last six months'. I suspect it's about JD, but, whatever. I obviously haven't been obsessing over it, since I just now remembered it again. What I already know is enough to give me a pretty good idea about what this is. Ehh...

Azhira

my confusion