okay, breaking down again. really wallowing right now. big old pity party.
I was talking to a friend who said I should get something nice for myself for my anniversary. not something I am really thinking about doing, but I started playing around online...checked out a favorite local florists website, thinking, would I really send myself flowers or something like that (yeah, I'm one of those women who love getting flowers). I did that for my birthday and loved them....they were just lovely, and a nice splurge that I normally don't do.
so I bopped around the site a bit when I just started crying. He sent her 2 dozen roses for her birthday this past june. 2 dozen. nearly $200 worth of roses for her birthday. do you know the entire time we were together he never once sent me flowers on my birthday, except for this year, when he sent an arrangement from him and the kids. trust me, it wasn't 2 dozen roses.
sorry, like I said, pity party.
she must be something. at least something to him.
he just e-mailed me that he opened a new credit card for work. his new company doesn't have a corporate card, so he will have to use his own and get reimbursed for expenses, and he figures opening the new card will keep it all nice and tidy and separate for him. he told me he'd pay it, just stick the bill with his mail when it comes.
all I can think is he's using it for things for her. I'm sure he has a nice order already standing for their anniversary...think its next week, not completely sure of the date. I'm trying to tell myself that no, I will not "accidently" open the bills. I will not call the florist. I will not do any of this. it will only bite me in the ass. none of it matters, anyway. he is with her. he is with her. he is with her. I need to keep telling myself that over and over. for some reason the fact that I'm even hurt/care about what he is doing for her is just ridiculous, and shows just how attached I still am.
ugh.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
